


I've Got a Bad Case (Of Loving You)

by firesign10



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: A little angst, Doctor Jared Padalecki, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Anxiety, Romance, Sheriff Jensen, Small Towns, Troubled Teenager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:01:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28207977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesign10/pseuds/firesign10
Summary: Sheriff Jensen lives happily in Lamesa, Texas, unencumbered by any relationships. Until, that is, Dr. Jared Padalecki, late of Ohio and recently un-engaged, arrives on the scene. Jared is a serial monogamist who's vowed to be commitment free, and Jensen is the serial dater who thinks he might be ready to settle down. Between misbehaving hearts, small town life, and Jensen's trial run as a mentor to troubled teen Alex, will they be able to sort everything--and themselves--out?
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 37
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TxDorA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TxDorA/gifts).



> Written for [TxDorA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TxDorA), who bought me in a Charity Auction. Thank you so much for your patience, and I hope you like it!!! Super thanks to [dwimpala67](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwimpala67) who read a draft, decided she liked it, and made wonderful art!! I am so grateful, bb!! Art Post is [Here!!](https://dwimpala21.livejournal.com/9262.html) Thanks to [jdl71](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jdl71) and [jerzcaligrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jerzcaligrl) for beta reading it, and all of my gang for being sounding boards and support!

Jensen Ackles shuts the metal file cabinet in his office with a resounding clang. He hates filing with a passion. Usually his admin, Alona Tal, takes care of it, but she's on honeymoon leave for a few more days. The thought of her patronizing smile when she returns and sees all those files sitting there is not appealing. He and Alona get along just fine, but she definitely has this little air of superiority when it comes to the paperwork. So...filing time it is.

Just when he thinks shuffling manila folders and three-part forms can't get more boring, Jensen hears the alarm go off. Lamesa, Texas, is not necessarily a high crime area, but there's usually enough to keep him busy. He hustles over to the police radio and grabs the microphone. 

"Sheriff Ackles, go."

"Sheriff, it's Rich Speight. We got a car accident here at the intersection of 115 and 349. Two car collision, relatively minor injuries in both cars, no fatalities. I already called the hospital and they're sending an ambulance out. Me and Rob, we'll be bringing the other people in ourselves. Brianna's getting the scene buttoned down until you get there."

"Okay, Rich, I got ya. I'll meet you at the hospital. Sheriff out." He's grateful for such an efficient team, and that they all get along. The guys are like brothers, and they'd taken to Brianna Buckmaster right away when she'd joined. Brianna gives as good as the guys in strength and humor--she doesn't take any shit. And she can drink Rich and Rob under the table.

Jensen sighs. That intersection between those routes is a chronic accident magnet. He's going to have to approach the town council again for a blinking traffic light there. In the meantime, he needs to get over to Lamesa General Hospital; he has to see how the accident victims are, and make sure Rich and Rob have taken their statements.

It only takes a few minutes to arrive, as the hospital and the police station are both near the center of town. Lamesa is a fairly small town; population 9400; enough to keep things lively, but without the volume or depth of crime found in a bigger city. Jensen had trained in San Antonio, spent a little time on a force in Houston, and found out the big city wasn't his thing. When the sheriff's position opened in Lamesa, he was happy to come back to where he'd grown up and take care of his fellow townsfolk. The biggest single problem Jensen has here is his friends and family's eager efforts to play matchmaker for him.

Most of them know that the pretty girls in town stand no chance with Jensen. He doesn't march in any Pride parades, but he doesn't hide his orientation either. He politely deflects all the potential dates that his momma and others have tried to arrange with other people's sons, nephews, and cousins. Jensen's not really a dating kind of guy, and he's certainly not dating anyone in town. He just smiles and thanks the matchmakers and says how his job just doesn't allow time for that kind of thing.

Jensen arrives at the hospital and parks his police Jeep. He enters through the ER entrance, greeting the staff of the Emergency Room, as he knows most of them by name. Right away, he notices a new guy. New Guy is easy to notice, since he's freakin' tall. Jensen is six foot one himself, and this guy is a good three or four inches taller than that. He's got dark brown hair that falls below his collar, and even across the E.R. Jensen can see a smile that's sunny and warm. He feels a little warmth in his belly, and scolds himself for eating all of the French fries in his lunch order. Yep, that's all it is, a little indigestion. _Know when to say when,_ he scolds himself.

Approaching the counter, Jensen asks about the car accident victims. Katie Cassidy, the tall blonde nurse on duty, tells him that the ambulance has already arrived with the driver and passenger from one car, and that Rich and Rob will be there momentarily with the driver of the second car. The ambulance passengers are being triaged in Exam Bay Two, and the resident in charge will speak with Jensen in a few minutes.

Jensen nods. "I'm going to get a coffee, I'll be right back." Katie smiles and gives him a thumbs up.

The nearest coffee machine duly produces hot brown liquid that purports to be coffee, and Jensen accepts it with a sigh, resigning himself to heartburn later. Sure enough, it's as bitter as any of the overly hoppy 'craft' beers that the local bar has been pushing lately. He wrinkles his nose but takes a couple of gulps anyway. Caffeine is caffeine.

Returning to the nurse's station, he sees Katie waving him over.

"The new resident is ready to talk with you." She points out the tall, dark-haired doctor that Jensen had noticed before.

"Who's that?" Jensen tries not to sound too eager. What's a new doctor in town mean, after all? He's probably a pussy magnet, with those dark good looks.

"Dr. Padalecki. He's the shizz, according to the network grapevine. He's slated to go to Raleigh-Durham, but he has six months of his residency left to finish, so we won him in a lottery." Katie snickers. "So handsome, the nurses are all placing bets on who's gonna land him."

Jensen tsks at Katie mostly out of obligation to a fellow male, but inside he can't help feeling a tingle of interest. What if this doctor turns out to be on his team?

No, that would require actual luck.

Besides, Jensen doesn't usually play in Lamesa. When he feels the itch, he generally goes out of town to visit a gay club for a one night stand. He's done a little dating based in nearby towns, and had a couple of easy, undercover friends-with-benefits arrangements, but he doesn't have any real interest in finding a steady boyfriend. He's got a good social life with friends, he's in excellent health, and he loves his job. Overall, he's very content with his life just as it is.

Jensen walks over to the tall doctor and introduces himself.

"Hi there, I'm Sheriff Jensen Ackles. Welcome to Lamesa. I'm here to follow up on the car collision. Can you tell me anything before I go to talk to the first driver?"

The tall doctor smiles as he extends his hand, and oh God, deep dimples flash in his cheeks. Jensen feels a little dazed at the brilliant smile that's blazing at him, and almost misses the doctor's words as he speaks.

"Hi, Jared Padalecki. I'm the new Emergency Room resident." Jared gives Jensen's hand a firm shake. Jensen can't remember ever feeling so downright...petite, as Jared's hand envelopes his. Usually Jensen is the larger one--taller, more built. Being the shorter one is an odd dynamic. He can't help wondering what it would feel like in a more personal situation.

Jensen mentally smacks himself upside the head. _Way to be professional, asshole,_ he chides himself. Clearing his throat to buy a few seconds to settle himself down, Jensen smoothly follows up with, "Uh..."

Dr. Padalecki chuckles. "I know, it always throws everyone for a loop. Pa-da-LECK-ee. Freshly arrived from Dayton, Ohio. Based here in Lamesa for the next six or seven months." He claps Jensen soundly on the shoulder. "I'm sure we'll be seeing a good bit of each other."

Visions of scrubs falling to the floor assail Jensen for a moment. He wouldn't mind seeing a lot of this guy, with the muscles discernible under his t-shirt and white lab coat. Jensen briskly shakes his head to dispel the thought of playing doctor with the doctor. 

"Yes, yes, I'm sure we will. Town's not that big." Jensen manages a laugh through his dry throat.

Rich Speight and Rob Benedict, two of Jensen's police force, walk into the E.R., supporting an injured man between them. His forehead is blood-stained, and he's walking with a limp. 

"This is the guy from the second car in the accident. Where d'ya want him?" Rich asked. Dr. Pa-da-LECK-ee waves them over to an empty patient bay.

"Take him in there. I'll be there in a minute. Katie, can you start cleaning up Mr.--" 

"Kevin McNally," the wounded man supplies.

"Thank you, Mr. McNally. Katie." Jared turns back to Jensen. "The first driver and her passenger are fine, just bumps and bruises. Let me examine this man and I'll get a full report on everyone to you shortly."

"Sounds good, thanks." Jensen watches Dr. Padalecki move briskly into the patient bay, tugging the curtain closed behind him.

Rich gives Jensen a brief summation of the accident, and Jensen leaves them there to get the statements. He heads back to his Jeep so he can go check out the site.

While he drives out to the accident site, Jensen hits the speed dial for his best friend.

"So, I hear we got a new doc in town." Jason Manns always knows what's up with Jensen, often before Jensen knows himself. He half suspects the man has his car bugged.

"Yes, yes we do. Mighty tall man at that."

Jason chuckled. "Is that all you got to say about him?"

Jensen coughs to conceal his tension. "He could be a relatively good-looking fella. Y'know, if you notice that kind of thing."

"Could he, now? I heard he was downright swoon-worthy. All the women are a-twitter." Jason snickers. "And I bet I know one sheriff who is too, judging by this phone call."

"Fuck you, man. We still on for Friday night?" Friday was the regular night for hanging out-- Jensen, Jason, Chris, Steve, Rich, Rob, whoever else they roped in or happened to be around.

"Yeah, talk to you that afternoon for plans. Unless, of course, you have any *ahem* medical updates." Jensen could hear the smirk in Jason's voice.

"Fuck you," Jensen says again amiably, and hangs up.

Officer Briana Buckmaster has the traffic cones up when Jensen arrives. She's also taken the necessary pictures and gotten statements from a couple of witnesses. Jensen appreciates her efficiency as much as he appreciates her cheerful demeanor and big smile. It's always difficult to be grumpy around Bri.

"What's the scoop on this, Bri?" Jensen looks around, studying the two damaged cars, the angle they're at, the skid marks on the asphalt.

"Car #1, the dark blue Accord over there, was merging left onto 349 when it stopped in the middle of the road. Car #2, the silver Elantra, couldn't respond in time and hit the Accord in the back door on the passenger side. Didn't look like anything too serious injury-wise. The Elantra driver, one Kim Rhodes and her passenger, sixteen-year-old Alex Calvert, were shook up, possible whiplash, bruises. The Accord driver, Kevin McNally, had a contusion on the forehead and twisted his knee. They've all been transported to the hospital for a look-see." She smiles brightly at Jensen.

He gives everything a go-over, complimenting Briana on her usual thoroughness. "Excellent job, as always, Bri. Go ahead and let the tow trucks clear the cars up, and you can open this up to traffic again."

"You got it, Boss." She winks at him, and Jensen grins at her. At one point, he thought she was interested in him as more than just a boss, which was rather uncomfortable. At some point, Alona must have clued her in though, because the overt flirting stopped and now it's just banter. He's glad, because she's a good officer and a good person.

Jensen hops back into the Jeep and turns around to head back to the station. He wonders if Dr. Padakeckle ( _that didn't sound right, shit_ ) has called him with the accident reports yet.

He deliberately avoids how eager the thought of that call makes him.

Dr. Jared Padalecki smiles at his first Emergency Room patient here at Lamesa Hospital. He introduces himself to Kim Rhodes, an attractive, dark-haired woman who looks to be late forties, with a ready smile and kind eyes. With her is a blond teenager, a quiet, good-looking boy. Checking his clipboard, Jared sees it's sixteen-year-old Alex Calvert. The only thing Jared can ascertain about Alex is that he is in fact a quiet, good-looking boy, since he is currently sitting with his head bowed. Ms. Rhodes is down as his guardian, which gives Jared questions, but he moves past them for now.

Ms. Rhodes quickly fills Jared in on the accident. The car merging left stopped suddenly, and while she was able to brake and turn away, it wasn't enough to avoid contact.

Both Ms. Rhodes ("Please, call me Kim!") and Alex are in good shape, mostly suffering some bruises and muscle strain from the impact. As Jared looks them over, he learns that Alex is transferring from a foster home out of state to the Residential Children's Home here in Lamesa. Kim is co-director of the facility, along with Ms. Loretta Devine. That answers his curiosity about the guardian thing. He hopes Alex is okay. Jared tells them both to take some Advil and maybe soak in a warm bath for their stressed muscles, warning them that tomorrow they will be more stiff and sore than they are right now.

Moving to the second examination bay, Jared quickly looks over the other driver in the accident. Kevin McNally, a fifty-something year old man, escaped with a forehead laceration requiring eight stitches, a badly twisted knee, and probably some whiplash that would manifest in the morning. Handing him off to an intern for the stitches and ankle wrap, Jared returns to the ER registration desk.

Dr. Felicia Day is there, checking the clipboards for any cases with children. Felicia is on track for a position in pediatrics, but this is her rotation in the E.R. She had welcomed him enthusiastically the other day, and he already feels like he's known her for years. He smiles at her, and she smiles back with a wink. Her red hair is in a bun, and her lanyard is adorned with little fuzzy animal clips.

"Hey! I saw Sheriff Ackles came in! Isn't he a hottie and a half?" She gives a little wolf-whistle. "If I swung that way, I'd be--well, I don't know what I'd be, but it would be something!" She giggles and smacks Jared's arm, just like his little sister Meg does. "What did you think, being you _do_ swing that way?"

Jared laughs and answers, "How do you know? Maybe I'm a total horn dog for hot babes!" He mock-leered at her.

"Nuh uh! My gaydar is never wrong, because, you know, I'm gay! So I can always tell. You think he's pretty, right?" She nudges his ribs hard with her pointy elbow. "You going to go for that?"

"Now you sound like Chad." At her questioning look, he clarifies. "Chad is my best friend from back home, and he has very low standards. Actually, I'm not sure he has any standards at all."

"And what standards are we discussing? Our medical standards?" The deep voice behind Jared makes him jump. He turns around to see Dr. Charles Whitfield, his ER attending and thus Jared's supervisor. "Dr. Padalecki, I hope you're settling in well. Don't let Dr. Day there fool you--the rest of us do take our quality of care seriously." His stern words are belied by his warm smile.

"Yes, thank you, sir. I'm very happy to be here, and I think this is going to be a great place for me to finish my residency." Jared smiles back. As befitting an attending, Dr. Whitfield projects an imposing professional persona, complete with button down shirt and a tie, but he also seems like a decent guy.

"Great. Let me know if there's anything you need help with. Felicia can steer you around, she's been here since she was an intern." Dr. Whitfield's pager beeps. "And, time to run." He heads out of the ER, and Jared sees two other residents, judging by their navy scrubs, rush by to join him.

"He seems like a good guy," Jared says to Felicia. He's fishing, because he's seen his share of doctors that appear rational but really are bastards. 

Felicia nods. "He is. Oh, he can dress you down for being stupid, but overall he's fair, and he's a great teacher."

"All you can ask for, right?"

"Yep!" It's her turn for her pager to go off, and she sighs and grabs her tablet. "Okay, gotta go! See you later. Lunch?"

He barely has time to nod before she's gone. Jared chuckles and heads for the residents' break room. He needs to find some coffee, and not that crap from the public machines.

In the break room, he selects a Keurig cup of Breakfast Blend and hits the machine. While it brews, he looks into the mirror next to the lockers. Is he really attractive enough to attract someone like that hot sheriff? Like, hey pretty guy, look at me? He's grown out of his adolescent phase where he thought he was only clumsy limbs and freakishly tall, but...really? Like _that?_

He evaluates his reflection. Dark hair in a side part, long enough to hit his collar. Sure, he had good bones--cheekbones, chin, deep-set eyes. That's cool. Nicely arched eyebrows over...green? Blue? Whatever color his eyes are. Mouth--pink, mobile... 

Kissable?

"Enough, Pads. You're at least passable. Get the fuck back on the floor before some intern finds you mooning over yourself."

He sighs. That sheriff is so, so pretty. He probably doesn't have a chance.

Friday night finds Jensen walking into the Dust Devil bar, ready for some brewskis and wings. The Dust Devil is a casual place, no time for upscale stuff here. The beer is cold, the food is fried, and the decor is...brown. Tonight Jensen decided to go out with his work crew instead of his usual group of friends, not that there isn't a lot of crossover between the two. Rich's birthday was earlier that week, so Rich, Rob, Bri, and their desk personnel Gabe Tigerman and Alona Lindberg (formerly Tal, freshly tan from her honeymoon), were all meeting there to celebrate. Jason is joining them as well. Jensen's stomach is hungry for some good hot wings and cold beer, and he is definitely ready to relax.

He finds his troop and settles in, taking a chair between Rob and Gabe and gratefully accepting a frosty bottle. The selection of wings is avidly debated, and once ordered, the first round of shots is ready. Rich is a tequila man, so it's going to be a Cuervo night. Salt shakers are distributed and a bowl of lime wedges sits in the middle of the table.

Jensen lifts his shot glass and toasts Rich in unison with everyone else. They've worked together a long time, and Jensen always appreciates Rich's level head in emergencies and snarky wit the rest of the time. The gold tequila is cold and hot and rich, sliding down Jensen's throat like it lives there. He sighs in appreciation; this is a fantastic way to end a week. Hell, a month.

"Didn't expect to run into you here tonight," says a light baritone voice in Jensen's ear, setting chills off down his spine. Jensen turns to see the warm smile of Dr. Pad--Pada-- " Jared laughs at Jensen's obvious confusion and adds, "Just call me Jared." 

"Join us?" Jensen asks before he can get nervous, and he gestures at a nearby empty chair in invitation. Jared drags it over next to Jensen, and all six plus feet of hot doctor sits down. Long arms fold in, Jared's broad shoulders bump Jensen's, and Jared's dimpled smile flashes. "How ya doin' there, Sheriff?"

"Jensen," Jensen says, unable to resist the broad smile. "I'm off duty. Hence, you know, the alcohol." No sooner does Jensen gesture to the shot glasses than the waitress arrives with a fresh round.

"Your wings will be up in a few," she reports, deftly refilling the lime bowl. She looks at Jared. "One for you, sweetheart?"

Jared looks askance at Jensen, who nods. "Sure thing, don't mind if I do."

She quickly brings his shot glass, and they all drink. Jensen savors the complex agave flavor, closing his eyes as it slides down with that distinctive burn. Opening them again, he sees Jared studying him.

"What?" Jensen feels a little embarrassed, but he's curious why Jared is so intent on him too.

"I bet you look like that in bed. So...intense, so focused on...sensation." Jensen sees Jared's eyes darken. "Must be something to see."

Jensen finds himself utterly tongue-tied, staring open-mouthed at Jared. A flare of heat blooms in his belly, rippling outward throughout his body.

_Well, damn._

Jared smiles and gives a little laugh, cheeks flushing pink. "Shit, um, sorry about that, dude. Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain."

Jensen utters a stilted laugh. "No problem." He grabs his beer and chugs it, hoping to calm the fire burning inside his belly and his balls. "Uh...another?"

When Jared gets home, he has a pretty good buzz going. They'd had a few more shots, a few beers, eaten a bunch of wings and fries and other bar crap. The other police officers had been welcoming, including Jared easily in the jokes and drinks. Despite the alcohol, Jared somehow managed to avoid stuffing his foot into his mouth again. 

He sits down heavily on the side of his bed, reaching down to undo his shoes. Jensen's wide-eyed expression floats before Jared's mind's eye again, and he slaps his forehead.

"Really? Does he look like that in _bed?_ Jesus, Padalecki, what the hell were you thinking? Slick, man, real slick." He groans at his gaffe.

He knows that if Chad were there, he'd be ribbing Jared unmercifully for being such a dweeb. Cackling like a hyena as he enjoyed Jared's mortification.

But Chad isn't there. Just Jared. Because Jared left Chad--along with the rest of his life--in Ohio. And he ain't going back.

Jared falls back on his bed, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. In the darkness, he can see the entire awful scene play out again in Technicolor, like a bad movie stuck on repeat.

_Jared's completely in love. It's not the first time, but it's definitely the most intense. Tom Welling--dark hair, big muscles, stunning blue eyes--has swept Jared off his feet with romantic dinners, hot evenings out dancing, even hotter sex. Jared's sure this is it, the big one. He'll complete his residency at Kindred Care Hospital, accept an attending at the same hospital, and they'll get married. His heart is so full._

_He heads home from his shift, looking forward to grilling steaks on the patio with Tom. He's even a little early--his attending, Dr. John Schneider, kicked him loose since he'd come in early to cover them. Jared whistles as he hops on his motorcycle and heads out, the early summer breeze whipping through his long hair sticking out at the bottom of his helmet._

_Jared pulls into the driveway next to Tom's Miata. Grabbing his messenger bag, he heads into the house, calling out for Tom. He can't wait to see his boyfriend after a busy day at the hospital. Time for kisses and a cold one, maybe a quick dip in the pool while the steaks are grilling. Perfect._

_Jared can hear music playing on the Bluetooth outside, so he figures Tom didn't hear him enter. He dumps his bag onto the couch, grabs a beer from the fridge, and opens the sliding door to the backyard. It's not huge, but it has a patio and a small pool. It's all fenced for privacy, and they spend a lot of time out there, enjoying the balmy spring and summer before the Midwestern heat and humidity kicks in._

_Jared's no sooner through the door than he freezes. Tom's sitting on the couch of their new patio set, with the durable fabric, all-weather cushions. His head's resting on the sofa cushion, his eyes closed. A naked man is straddling him, rising up and down on Tom's lap. On Tom's cock. Jared can see it clearly, shiny with lube, all swollen and hard as it penetrates the naked man's hole. Tom's big hands are gripping the man's ass, pulling him down hard and squeezing the ripe globes. Both men are panting and moaning, lost in the heat of sex, oblivious of Jared's presence._

_Jared feels like he's been turned into stone, limbs heavy and unresponsive. He can't even speak. His hand, numb with shock, loses its grip on the cold beer bottle, which falls to the patio. The shattering glass sounds like a bomb. Both men stop fucking, lifting their heads, their eyes snapping to Jared. Tom pushes the naked man off, despite his protests. Tom's exposed dick wags in the air, as does the naked man's which is now dripping pre-come on the patio pavers._

_"Jared!" Tom gets up, starts to come over to Jared as he struggles to pull up his board shorts._

_Jared holds up an imperious hand._

_"Stop. Don't come near me."_

_Tom spreads his hands. "Baby, let me explain-"_

_Jared feels like he's going to throw up. "You can't. There's no explaining...that." He gestures at the naked man, realizes he knows him. "Justin Hartley, is that you?" He scoffs. "What the hell are you doing fucking my boyfriend? On_ my _new patio set?"_

_Both Tom and Justin begin to stammer excuses, but Jared's had enough. He turns and strides out, gets back on the bike, and revs off down the street. He'll go back later and get his stuff. Right now, he just needs to be--elsewhere._

Jared drops his hands, opening his eyes to dispel the ugly vision. He had gone back to the house while Tom was at the hospital, packed up his stuff, and left Ohio. He'd stayed in a motel until he'd found both a new attending position in North Carolina, as well as this temporary opening in Lamesa where he could finish out his residency.

And now he's met this super pretty, sexy sheriff.

Well, time for a change. Jared Padalecki, hopeless romantic, has been dumped for the last time. He's changing camps from serial monogamist to simply having fun. He's up for dating and sex, and anything more serious can go hang. Jared is not losing his heart again, no sirree. He's moving on to greener pastures.

Like the green eyes of Jensen Ackles.

Jensen walks into the Lamesa Residential Care Home. He's checking on how Kim Rhodes and her new ward, Alex Calvert, are doing since their auto accident. Kim has only been in Lamesa a year or so, but Jensen is old friends with Loretta Devine, the other director. He swears that the woman has a sixth sense about everything. She always seems to know things before she's been told, and who is coming and going.

Sure enough, she's already standing in the lobby of the Home when he comes in. "Jensen! Haven't seen you in a while." She greets him in her soft, high voice, giving him a big hug, and then a gentle slap on the back of his head as a reprimand. Loretta often teases gently, but with serious intent underneath.

"I know, I'm sorry, Loretta. I just met your new resident the other day, thought I'd see how he and Kim are doing after the accident last week."

"Well, they were sore for sure. Alex, he's all tough what with being a teenager, you know? But Kim was feeling some aches all right. She's a lot better now, I made her soak a few times with one of my poultices in the tub." Loretta knew a lot of old Southern lore regarding home remedies and the like. Jensen had availed himself of them a time or two.

"And how is Alex adjusting?" Jensen sits down in Loretta's cozy office, on her paisley settee.

Loretta frowns. "Well, not too badly, all things considered. It's so hard, you know. A boy like that, with no family. He lost them when he was eleven, and he's been shuttled around ever since then. We must be the fifth place he's been already." She shakes her head. "He's had a tough road, and I hope that we can make things a little easier for him. Couple of years and he'll be aging out, and he's not ready to be out there on his own."

Jensen nods. He comes from a solid family, and is still pretty close to them. When he came out a few years ago, his parents needed a little time to fully adjust to the news, but there was never any cause to question their love. Everything is fine with them now--they even tease him about not dating enough and when is he going to settle down with a nice boy. He can't imagine not having family, being alone in the world like Alex.

"Let me know if I can do anything, help at all, okay?"

"Now that you mention it," Loretta says. "I think he could use an older male role model. I've been thinking about starting a Big Brother program here, and I think Alex is just the boy to begin with." She fixes Jensen with a stern eye. "And I know just the man to help him."

Jensen stares at her. "Me?"

"You. You are a good man, Jensen Ackles, and that boy could use some positive reinforcement and a solid role model. He's not a trouble-maker, but he's shy, withdrawn. I think you could help him build some confidence, maybe get him to open up a little."

Jensen is a little flabbergasted at this. Sure, he has a younger sister, but he has no experience otherwise with kids. What is he going to do with a teenager?

However, Loretta's gimlet eye is impossible to withstand. He's pinned and he knows it.

"Uh, yeah, sure. What do I do, take him out for ice cream?" He's at a loss at where to begin.

Loretta looks at him sternly. "Think it over. Alex isn't ready to take on the town yet. He's recovering from the accident, and being in a new place again. Let's talk after the weekend and I'll have you two meet." Loretta smiles finally. "You'll be doing good work, Jensen. The boy needs someone, and my gut tells me that you could be it." She looks at a notepad on her desk. "He's meeting with the counselor, Ruth Connell, later today, so you could talk with her Monday. There's confidentiality to consider, but she can give you a general sense of his state of mind."

Jensen stands up. "I'll give it a shot, Loretta. I'll see Ruth Monday too. I don't know what all I can do, but I'll follow your gut." He smiles back.

"Thank you! Now don't forget, our fall fundraiser gala is coming up. I would appreciate it if you could attend. That might be a good place for Alex to start getting involved too. I'm sure there's someplace he can help out." She winks at him. "Of course, you could bring a date if you want. Maybe some tall doctor who's new to the area, needs to meet people. We're going to do a real old-fashioned hootenanny, with live music and dancing and a pie-eating contest." She looked at Jensen with her eyebrows raised.

"Sure, I can be there." Due to his position in Lamesa society, Jensen has largely overcome his innate shyness, but sometimes something like a large social event makes it crop up. He reminds himself he's not attending in any official capacity, just as another festival attendee. Possibly with a date, at that.

He and Loretta walk to the front doors, still chatting. The doors whoosh open, and Jared sails through into the lobby. Jensen feels his heart leap into his throat at the sight of that tall, attractive man.

"Loretta!" Jared kisses her cheek before turning to Jensen with a warm smile. "Jensen, so glad to see you again." Jensen reaches out to shake hands, but Jared takes it and pulls him for a quick half-hug. The feel of his tall, solid body against Jensen's sends a jolt through him, leaving him momentarily breathless. When they separate, Jensen catches a side glance of Loretta's sly smile.

"Uh, I was just leaving. Have a good day, y'all." Jensen recovers a pretense of composure, making for the door. Jared catches his hand.

"Hey, I'm just dropping something off for Loretta here--if you're not busy, want to go grab a sandwich for lunch together?"

Jensen looks into wide, puppy dog eyes and is unable to decline. "Sure. I'll meet you at the Pickled Onion? It's just a couple of blocks away."

Jared smiles widely, flashing white teeth and deep dimples. "You got it, dude."

Jensen nods to Loretta and makes his exit. Suddenly lunchtime seems much more exciting.

Loretta looks at Jared from across her desk. He's brought the medical forms for Alex that the Home needs, plus the report from the fender-bender Alex and Kim had been in. She closes the folder and focuses her gaze on Jared. 

"Jared Padalecki, are you bird-dogging our sheriff?"

Jared gives her an innocent 'who-me' look. "I don't know what you mean, ma'am."

She chuckles. "Boy, I can see what's right in front of my eyes. I just want to give you a word of caution. Jensen is a good man, honest and fair, but he's not looking for a relationship. He is married to his job. I don't want you to be hurt or disappointed if he isn't interested in anything more long-term."

Jared scoffs, looking down at the floor for a moment. "Well, to be honest, I've always been a serial monogamist, but I'm not anymore." He meets her eyes again, his face serious. "The whole reason I'm in Lamesa to begin with is because my fiancé cheated on me. In our house. With one of our co-workers. And it's not the first time that's happened to me. I've only ever wanted to settle down with a happy ever after, but I don't believe it exists anymore. I'm done with searching for it. I'm out just to date and have fun, and if that's how Jensen goes, then we'll have a lot of fun. That's all I'm looking for."

Loretta looks at him and says, "Uh huh. Well, we'll see about that."

Jared wonders what's behind her knowing look. It makes him a little nervous, frankly. He gets up and says, "Well, I gotta go get that sandwich, Jensen's going to be waiting. Thanks, Loretta."

Walking over to the sandwich shop, Jared mulls over Loretta's words. So, Jensen is a serial dater? But he's honest and fair, she said, so he wasn't into playing games. _Well, that's just fine,_ Jared thinks. _That's all I'm after from now on anyway. A good time, no hard feelings, no strings attached._

He sees the sign for The Pickled Onion Sandwich Shop and pulls into the little parking lot next to it. As if on cue, his stomach rumbles. He laughs to himself as he enters and smells a host of delicious aromas. Spying Jensen in a booth already, Jared goes to join him. Jensen greets him with a big smile, and Jared smiles happily back.

_This is it, Jared. Your new life plan. Join the hunt, dude._


	2. Chapter 2

When Monday rolls around, Jensen is busy catching up with the weekend events. It's not too much: a couple of drunk drivers, a shoplifter, a missing horse. Jensen shakes his head at the last one. They are in Texas after all, and a lot of people have horses. Probably easier to steal than jacking a car. At least he doesn't have to string anybody up over it these days.

He heads over to meet Ruth Connell in the early afternoon. He knows her by sight, but not personally. She's distinctive, because she is a tiny woman with long, vibrant red hair. He's looking forward to actually getting to meet her, she looks like an interesting person.

Her office is right around the corner from the Residential Home, in a cool old house that's been repurposed into offices. Hers is on the second floor, and it's one of those rooms that are hexagonal because of the mini turret the house boasts. It's pretty and cozy, furnished with comfy club chairs and a loveseat that has embroidered cushions and a soft, crocheted throw draped over the back.

"Sheriff Ackles," Ruth greets him, holding out a delicate, pale hand. He's worried he'll break it, but her handshake is firm. "So nice to finally meet you in person. Loretta thinks the world of you." Her voice is musical, with a distinct Scottish brogue. He briefly wonders how she ended up here in West Texas. She gives him a warm smile as she settles into one of the chairs. He sees she has a notepad in one hand as she gestures for him to sit with the other. Like her, the chair is pretty, but sturdy.

"Please, call me Jensen." He sits, unsure if he's supposed to get things rolling or leave it up to her.

"Jensen. Loretta tells me she's asked you to mentor her newest ward, Alex Calvert. I'm happy to discuss him with you, to a degree. Of course, confidentiality is an issue, so I hope you understand if there are questions I can't answer or information I can't divulge." Her eyes are dramatically made up, but they are diamond-bright and intelligent as they study him.

"I completely understand." He shifts, more from discomfort at this kind of emotional discussion than any physical unease. Ruth's crimson mouth smiles knowingly.

"This is probably somewhat out of your bailiwick, I'd imagine." She taps her pencil on the pad.

"Well, yes. I certainly deal with some people who have psychological issues, but not in this way, where I'm really working with them."

She nods. "Let's get right to it, then." She picks up the notepad and refers to it. 

"Alex is a sixteen year-old male, both biologically and emotionally. He is in good overall health, although slightly underweight. He's behind in his schooling, due to frequent moves and unsupportive environments. He should be a senior, but he's closer to a sophomore. His intellect seems good--he's tested as quite bright, so given the opportunity, he could catch up quickly." She pauses, looking at Jensen again. "That's the good part."

"But?" Jensen asks.

Ruth puts the notepad down on the coffee table between the chairs and the loveseat. Her face is serious as she thinks for a moment before answering.

"He is definitely depressed. That's not unexpected, given his rootlessness, but it's deeper than just situational. Caught and treated sooner, it might not have gotten as serious as it is now. Unfortunately, it was not, and it is indeed quite serious. He's antisocial, withdrawn, and there's a lot of repressed anger simmering underneath all that." Ruth sighs. "This is going to be difficult and slow. There's a lot of issues to address. None of this happened overnight, and it won't be fixed overnight either."

Jensen is somewhat dismayed at the thought of dealing with this complicated teenager, but he feels for the boy too. "What am I going to be able to do, or what even can I do?"

"Well, the temptation will be to pussyfoot around him, but that's not good. That simply reinforces to him that he's either incompetent or not worth caring about. So be firm, but not dictatorial. Give him a couple of choices, but a raft of them and he'll seize up with the inability to choose. Nudge him into doing things so he can start experiencing social interaction. And show him, simply by being yourself, Jensen, that a man can be strong, but not unfeeling." Her eyes fix on him, and Jensen feels like she sees everything inside of him.

"Okay. I think I got it." He stands up, surprisingly feeling a little better. At least he knows more about what he's dealing with, and what way to approach it. "Thank you, Ruth, I really appreciate your insight."

"Of course, Jensen," she purrs. "Please, come over or call anytime you have a question or concern. I'll be seeing Alex regularly for sessions as well as staying in touch with Kim and Loretta. We can still pull this boy back into the world."

Jensen nods. This woman is sharp as a tack, and he's glad to be on her team.

"Oh, and Jensen?" Ruth catches him just as he's going out the door. "Say hello to your handsome doctor for me."

Jensen blushes.

Jensen looks himself over in the chevril mirror in his bedroom. He's not generally all that vain, but he's aware that he's a good-looking guy. He surveys his slightly spiked hair, and runs a hand over his closely stubbled jaw. The charcoal gray henley fits him well, hinting at the muscles that lay underneath it. His jeans are comfortably worn, but snug enough to show his ass off.

"Enough primping, Ackles," he mutters to himself. "It's a date, not like you're a stranger to that."

_But...this feels a little different...doesn't it somehow?_

"Pfft!" He scoffs at the mirror, turning away and grabbing his wallet. Time to go.

The impromptu lunch date the other day went well, so well that they decided to go out for burgers and drinks now, two days later. They're meeting at the same place that Rich's birthday celebration had been, the Dust Devil.

This time, Jared's there first. Jensen's running about fifteen minutes late, so he sees Jared already in a booth with a beer and two menus lying on the table.

"I'm sorry I'm late. Had a report to get in." Jensen slides into the booth and Jared signals the server. Jensen orders his beer, and turns his attention back to Jared. "It's an occupational hazard, I'm afraid."

"Oh, please, I'm a doctor! I'm well used to that kind of thing." They toast by clinking their bottles together, and Jared pushes a menu over in front of Jensen. "If anyone can relate to job-caused delays and postponements, it has to be police and medical, right?"

"Absolutely!" Jensen looks over the menu. Everything looks good, and he's distracted by the handsome doctor, so he randomly picks a burger.

"So what's new?" asks Jared. 

Jensen is momentarily at a loss. He's too busy looking into Jared's eyes, which are a mix of blue and brown and gold. _Heterochromia iridis,_ Jensen thinks to himself. It's a cool term, but doesn't begin to explain how beautiful those eyes are.

Jared laughs. "I think you need a drink! Shake the work dust off!" He waves the server over and orders two shots of whiskey.

Jensen tries to collect himself. "Well, um, Loretta asked me to mentor the teen who was in the fender bender the other day. Alex."

"Oh, wow! What's going on with him? If you can say, that is." Jared's face is serious now.

"I guess he's very withdrawn. Not a surprise, after being moved around a lot between fosters, no stable home. She thinks I can help him with his confidence." The whiskey arrives, and so do the burgers. They raise their shot glasses to each other and shoot the liquor down. Jensen sighs happily. "Good call on the whiskey."

Jared laughs. "I know I need a little snort sometimes to shift gears from work mode to relaxation time!" They both dive into their burgers, and there's no more conversation for several minutes. 

When the conversation resumes, Jensen tells Jared about his meeting with Alex.

"Alex, this is Jensen Ackles." Loretta ushers Jensen into one of the little rooms the center has for small groups. It's maybe 12x12, but it has a small coffee table, a love seat, and a couple of upholstered chairs. There's a three shelf bookcase against one wall, and a couple of colorful posters with motivational sayings on them. Everything is clearly well-used or second hand, but it adds to the air of comfort and the lack of formality.

Alex is curled up on one end of the loveseat, picking at the whitish fringe of frayed threads cuffing his blue jeans. His t-shirt is baggy, his blond hair is rumpled, and he has patchy faint stubble along his jawline. It's easy to see that he could give two shakes of a rat's ass about meeting Jensen. His eyes barely even flick to Jensen as he and Loretta come through the door.

Loretta sits in the chair nearest Alex. She pats his hand as she introduces Jensen. Jensen, feeling clumsy as the object of attention, slides into the other chair.

"Remember we talked about setting you up with a mentor, Alex? Well, Jensen has agreed to meet you and see if he would be a good match for you. He's the sheriff here in Lamesa, but more than that, he is a good man. He's fair, he's honest, and he could use a little shaking up himself from time to time." Loretta winks at Jensen, who gives a little groan at her statement. He sees a half-smile flicker at the corners of Alex's mouth. It vanishes immediately, but it gives Jensen a little hope.

"I'm going to leave you two here for a few minutes, just to break the ice. Kim or I will be back shortly." Loretta pats Alex's hand again and leaves. Jensen abruptly feels tongue-tied.

They sit in silence for a couple of minutes. Jensen kicks himself to say something, anything, to break the uncomfortable quiet.

"Uh, so I guess you can see that I'm not a sparkling conversationalist." Whew, words. Good job, Jensen, but at least it's a start.

Alex snorts.

Jensen leans forward with his elbows on his knees. "So, I don't really know what this mentor business is all about. Loretta says you're sixteen, so you're about grown already. I'm not here to be some pretend-dad or anything, but--well, I can be a friend. If you want." He clears his throat. "I do a lot of things all around the town. I'm the sheriff, sure, but I like to know what's going on and be involved in things. Like there's this fall party going on next week? It's a fundraiser for this place. I'm helping out with a couple of things, and I like to go to the dancing in the evening. Do a little two-stepping, you know?" He gives a little laugh that comes out a cough. "And then there's the pie eating! My favorite part." He pats his stomach and smiles, hoping to get some kind of reaction from the silent young man.

Jensen sits back, not wanting to overwhelm Alex with words. Alex tucks his hands into his sides and lays his head on the back of the love seat. As far as Jensen can tell, Alex is staring at the motivational poster ("Every Day is a New Chapter!"), giving it his undivided attention.

"So, if you want to ask anything, go ahead. I'm here, or at least I'm here until Ms. Devine or Ms. Rhodes comes back. And if you just want to be quiet, that's okay too." Jensen looks around the room, noting the bookcase full of paperbacks, the magazines scattered on the table, the flowers by the window. It's all bright and cheerful. He makes a mental note to check through his own books, see if there was anything he could bring here. Maybe he could order a standing weekly delivery of flowers too.

"She said just to call her Loretta."

Jensen's head whips around. Alex still looks transfixed by the poster, but he spoke. Jensen will take it.

"Okay. I didn't want to be disrespectful."

"Loretta and Kim." Alex finally turns his face a few degrees, and Jensen catches a glimpse of blue eyes in an attractive face. Give the boy a few years, he'd grow into handsome. Right now, he still had the softer jawline and rounder cheeks of childhood blended with the maturing planes of adolescence. Jensen bets that if Alex smiles, half the teenage girls in town will bat their eyelashes at him.

"So, what do you think about the fall thing? Would you be interested in helping out with a couple of things? Get to know a few people around town?" Jensen gets up, fidgets with his belt, smooths down his jeans.

Ales shrugs. "Don't care about meeting people. Don't know how long I'll be around."

Jensen sighs. There is a lot of cynicism in that young voice.

"Well, you decide you want to, just have Loretta or Kim call me. Or come by the station, I'll show you around."

Alex shrugs again.

Jensen searches his mind for a new topic. "Are you all set for school already? It's not the biggest school, but there are a lot of activities and clubs." _Oh good grief, what kid wants to talk about school, idiot?_

Alex ignores him.

Jensen rubs the back of his neck. This is not his forte, and he feels like he's floundering.

"Don't feel you have to entertain me. Most people just ignore me, or make me move somewhere else so I don't bother them." The blankness in Alex's voice is awful to hear.

"I don't think Kim or Loretta want to do that. They genuinely want to help you." 

Another shrug. "Whatever. Like I said, one way or another, I won't be around here long. I never stay long anywhere. Why should it be any different here?" Alex finally looks directly at Jensen, and his blue eyes are smoldering. Every muscle in his seemingly relaxed face is actually tight with tension, sharpening his soft features.

"You've not been done right by," says Jensen quietly. "We'd like to change that for you."

"Sure." Only a single word, but the cutting edge on it could flay someone's skin off.

Jensen hears footsteps approaching. He moves to the door and sees Kim coming down the hall. He turns back to Alex. 

"Pleasure to have met you, Alex."

There's no response, and Jensen simply leaves.

Jared walks through the gateway that leads into the Lamesa Fall Festival, unsure what to expect; not just about the gala itself, but with Jensen. He knows Jensen is helping out at some activities, but it's still a date for them. They've been dating a lot recently, having casual outings, getting together for drinks, and the like. Jared is holding steadfast to the "dating is fun" philosophy, as opposed to "my one and only forever" plan. He's found he actually enjoys it a lot.

The Fall Festival area is festively decorated--it looks like Autumn has thrown up everywhere. Orange, red, and brown leaves, along with similarly colored crepe paper streamers, are strung everywhere. Pumpkins and gourds are piled in every corner and cornstalks embellish every doorway. The main area is an open green, but there are a couple of buildings that are open for indoor activities too. Jensen had mentioned games and animal displays would be outside, of course, but crafts are inside. Food is available along one side of the green, and the dancing will be outside after dark.

Jared makes a beeline for the food. His shift ended an hour ago, and he hasn't eaten since early morning. The food is set up under long open-sided tents, and he can see tables groaning with delicious bounty. He selects fried chicken, potato salad, corn bread, and stuffed jalapenos. He can see the pies at the far end, but he's going to wait for the pie eating contest.

He finds a spot to perch, and happily eats his food while watching people roam around. Kids are running excitedly, trailing balloons and cotton candy, adults following more slowly. He can hear music playing, but the bullhorn announcing ribbons occasionally blares from the animal pens at the far side. The games are simple; this is not a traveling, flashy carnival, but a home-grown festival, everything plain and honest. 

Finishing his food, Jared gets up to dispose of his trash and starts looking more seriously for Jensen. The animal pens beckon--it's been a long time since Jared's been to a fair that really had pigs and chickens and lambs. He wanders around the pens, not minding the smell or the straw, cooing at the fluffy lambs, laughing at the silly chickens and fat oinking piglets.

Next up is the craft buildings. It looks dark inside at first, coming in from the afternoon sunlight, but Jared's eyes quickly adjust. Here he finds displays of sewing, cross-stitch, knitting, and crochet. There's a spinning wheel demonstration in one corner, and a candle making one in another. Wood burning and carving, metal stamping, and leather working are all represented. All of the craft booths have little items for sale, and Jared picks out a few small gifts for his family.

Still no Jensen. Jared's not worried, but he's anxious to see his date. He's never had a bad time with the sheriff. Jensen is gorgeous, sure. He's also quietly commanding, yet adorably shy when he's not being official. Jared is entranced and intrigued, and not a little horny. They've made out a little, but it hasn't gone past that. Yet. Jared's got hopes.

He exits the building, keeping his eyes open for sparkling green eyes and sweetly bowed legs. In the meantime, he sees the ambulance parked by the front gate, and he stops by to say hi and let them know he's on the premises if they need him. It's Steve Carlson and Chris Kane, local paramedics, manning the first aid station today. They have their guitars with them, since they won't be busy all of the time, and hopefully very little. Both play well, and Chris has a husky, pleasant singing voice that Steve harmonizes with beautifully. Jared chats with them for a few minutes and then continues on his search for his date.

And finally, there's Jensen, walking toward him with a big smile. He's in a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, blue jeans, and the ubiquitous boots. He looks relaxed and utterly edible. Jared feels like a lucky man.

"Hey."

"Hey." They smile at each other, and Jared is pretty sure they look like idiots.

"How do you like it?" Jensen gestures around at the festival. "Not too small town or hokey?"

"Hell no! I love it! It's so colorful, and everyone is having such a good time."

They start walking, naturally falling into step together. Jared kind of wants to put his arm around Jensen's shoulders, but thinks better of it. While this is a date, he doesn't want to be overly pushy or grabby, especially in public. Jensen is still the sheriff, after all, and has an authority to maintain.

They pretty much re-trace Jared's steps, looking at the animals, crafts, and games together. Jensen has already taken care of his obligations, and is free to do as he pleases. 

Jensen's hungry, so they stop at food again. He gets a burger, and Jared gets one too. They peek at the pies, listing all the flavors they like.

"Are you going to do the pie-eating contest?" Jared asks Jensen.

"Oh hell no, I know I don't have enough stomach for that. I'll get a couple of small slices to taste them, pumpkin for sure, probably apple." Jensen looks at Jared. "Oh no, don't tell me..."

Jared gives him a wide grin. "What? I'm a growing boy."

"You just had a burger!"

"Hey, I have half an hour to digest!"

Jensen laughs and pushes Jared's shoulder. Jared wants to reel Jensen in for a hug, but settles for a squeeze to his arm.

They head over to where the tables are being set up for the pie eating contest. Jared pays for his ticket and picks a seat. He looks over the competition. There's some older teenage boys, a couple of husky men, and three or four kids, probably ranging from ten to thirteen. One of them is the only girl competing, a skinny redhead in a t-shirt that says Pies Before Guys, blue jeans, and cowboy boots. Jared realizes that almost everyone is in cowboy boots. He makes a mental note to ask Jensen where he could get some. He doesn't want to stick out as the city boy. As he's mulling this over, he realizes the red-headed girl is staring daggers at him, and the ferocity of her gaze makes him recoil a little.

"That's Linnie," says the guy next to him, a lanky boy in his late teens. "Don't let her size fool ya. She came in second last year, only lost by half a slice."

"Where's she put it all?" asked Jared wonderingly. The lanky boy shrugs. 

"Darn if I know!" 

The contest starts, and the first pie is served. They're going in rounds; the last two to finish the first pie will be eliminated, and so on. Jared is a little nervous, but he sees Jensen, who gives him a big, cheesy wink. Jared laughs, and his nerves settle down.

Jared makes it through the blueberry pie, the apple pie, and the cherry pie just fine. He burps and sips some water. There's only four contestants left now, including Linnie, and his competitive spirit is riding high. The next pie is bumble berry--an apple and blackberry mix. He's never had it before, but it's delicious and he scarfs it down. So does Linnie. The other two are eliminated.

"Okay! It's Jared and Linnie, competing now for the pie-eating champ honor and this ribbon!" The man calling the contest holds up a giant blue ribbon with a glittery pie picture in the middle of it. "Who's it gonna be? Bring out the final pie!"

Jared's eyes open wide as his pie is served. It's pumpkin. He loves pumpkin, but it's so much thicker and heavier than the fruit pies. He's definitely nervous again now. And pretty full.

He does his best, but he can see it's going to be a close call. He's getting pumpkin all over his face. It's also pretty weird to eat a pie as fast as possible while the judging team is observing so closely. They're clustered around both Jared and Linnie, timing them as they chew.

Linnie wins by fifteen seconds. She beams as she receives the ribbon, and the head judge holds her hand up like a boxing champion. Jared shakes her hand and waddles away. 

"Thought you might want this?" Jensen holds out a paper cup.

"What is it?"

"Alka Seltzer."

Jared gratefully accepts the cup and drinks it down. He utters an enormous burp, and Jensen just about falls down laughing.

The light begins to fade, and strings of fairy lights in white and orange flick on, bathing the green in a soft, warm glow. Jensen knows the dancing is going to begin shortly. He's been looking forward to that. Dancing with Jared is sure to be delightful, and Jensen can't wait to hold Jared in his arms.

Jensen suddenly realizes that he was supposed to check on Alex by now and make sure the boy eats, maybe is even having some fun. He's been so wrapped up in spending time with Jared, he forgot. Feeling guilty for his oversight, he turns to Jared.

"Hey, I need to go check on Alex. I should have earlier. He's probably about done with his clean-up job over at the food tent. I just want to see how he's doing before the music starts, okay? Let him know he's off the clock."

Jared nods. "Of course! I'll be right here." He gives one of those big smiles that warms Jensen down to his toes.

Jensen heads off to the food tents. Alex is indeed done with cleaning up. By the hostile look on his face, he is pretty much done with everything. His hands are clenched, and one of his legs is jittering. 

"Hey, how did it go?" Jensen asks, kicking himself for not checking on the teen sooner. 

"Fine." The word is flat.

"Okay, um...did you eat? You get free food as a volunteer." Jensen offers an olive branch.

"Yeah, _Kim_ came by and told me. I had a plate." Jensen doesn't miss that inflection. He really fucked up.

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to--forget that, it doesn't matter. I should have been by sooner. I apologize." He feels like a turd. _Great start as a mentor, dude._

"Whatever. It's fine. I ate, work is done." Alex crosses his arms and stares out over the green.

"Well, there's going to be some music and dancing now. Relax and enjoy yourself. I'll make sure you're back at the House by ten, okay?" No reaction. "Any pretty girls catch your eye?" A snort. Jensen realizes he doesn't know Alex's orientation. "Or, um, pretty boys?"

That got him an eye roll.

"Oookay. I'll be right over there, with that really tall guy, so get me any time, all right?"

Silence.

_Shit._

Jensen walks back to Jared, mentally kicking himself.

"How was he?" Jared asks.

"Pissed, and with reason. I shoulda checked on him sooner about eating. Plus he's angry at the world, so..." Jensen lets the words trail away.

Jared squeezes his shoulder. "It's going to be okay. He'll settle in, and you'll get better at this." He takes Jensen's hand in his own large one. "For now--may I?" He nods to the green already filling up with couples as the music starts. 

They dance the first couple of songs before Jensen is commandeered by Loretta, then Alona. Brianna cuts in on Alona's dance. Brianna is wearing a denim bustier, and Jensen's a little afraid to look down. Things like bustiers and corsets make him nervous. Must be the whole boob thing. He does very briefly imagine Jared in a corset, and that definitely piques his interest. Fortunately it's a short number, so nothing embarrassing happens while Bri is so close to him as he's envisioning a corset-clad Jared. Jared reclaims him then, and Jensen sighs with relief.

While they are circling the dance floor, Jensen looks over to where Alex was sitting. He's standing a few feet from there, along with three other teens. They look familiar, and he realizes they were at the pie-eating contest. One of them is the lanky boy who was talking with Jared. Jensen nudges Jared and nods toward Alex. Jared looks over and gives Jensen a thumbs up.

"See, he's getting to know some other kids." Jared spins Jensen around. "He's going to be fine."

"I hope so."

Felicia comes over to dance with Jared, and Jensen takes a turn with Brianna again. He still feels bad about Alex, so he keeps glancing over to him.

"Hey, what's going on? You're dancing with me," Brianna pouts.

"Sorry, just supposed to be mentoring the new teenager at Residence Care Home, and I'm not doing such a good job." He smiles at her and determinedly keeps his eyes on hers and not her decolletâge.

Happily, Jared reclaims him once more before Bri's breasts break free, and they dance a slow dance together. Jared's arms are warm around Jensen's waist, and they gently move in sync to the music. It's delightful, and Jensen would be perfectly happy to stay the rest of the night here. Jared's eyes are captivating, and his soft smile, well...Jensen's not a big fan of PDA or he'd be kissing that beguiling mouth already.

Besides, he keeps checking on Alex. Least he can do now is keep an eye on the boy.

He therefore has a good view of it all when things go sideways.

The boys standing with Alex start knocking into his shoulders, bumping him around, giving him little pushes and shoves. Alex goes with it, not letting himself fall, but not actively resisting either. Jensen frowns a little. Are they just horsing around, or is this something more? He decides to slowly make his way over, not wanting to embarrass Alex if it is in fact just horseplay.

Then one of the teens kicks the back of Alex's knee, making him stumble and drop to his knees on the packed earth. _That's not horsing around..._ races through Jensen's mind.

He breaks into a jog, dodging through the dancers. He's aware of Jared following on his heels.

The first punch flies just before Jensen gets there. Alex sinks a strong punch into the gut of his largest tormentor. Immediately the other two teenagers are on him, throwing clumsy haymakers at Alex's head and kicking at his legs. The initial attacker is still doubled over from Alex's gut punch. 

"Hey!" Jensen yells. "Police! Stop!"

DJ Qualls, one of the policemen who'd been assigned to the festival, is also booking it over to the fight. He and Jensen arrive at the same time. Alex has struggled back to his feet and is giving as good as he's getting, which means all of the boys are now dirty, with blood coming from noses and scrapes. Jensen and DJ pull them all apart. 

"Enough!" barks Jensen. "DJ, you take these three in. Call Rich over to go with you. I'll take care of Alex."

As Jensen is addressing the miscreants, he initially misses Alex's move. Alex rips the strap off DJ's holster and yanks the gun out in the blink of an eye, holding it in an unsteady hand.

Everyone freezes. Shit just got real.

"Fuckin' bastards! Three against one? Shows what fuckwad pussies you are," Alex sneers. He aims the gun on his first attacker, the one who started it all. "Go on, wanna try something now?"

The boy shakes his head, his face greenish-white from fear. 

_Crap, this went tits up fast._ Jensen summons all of his authority to calm everyone down and de-escalate the situation.

"Alex, put the gun down. We've got them in custody, we'll take care of them." Jensen hopes he can dissuade Alex before anything irrevocable happens. Out of the corners of his eye, he sees Jared hovering nearby, and he can hear that the music has stopped. Everyone's probably watching, but he can't care about that right now. His unwavering focus is on the distressed, angry boy in front of him. The one with the gun.

"Fuck you!" Alex spits out. "You fuckin' forgot all about me, asshole. Why should I listen to you?" Alex's blue eyes are ice cold. "You're just like the rest of them. If I was a dog, you'd probably give more of a shit. What's one more crappy teenager?" He points the gun at each of the boys. One of them moans, and his jeans darken at his crotch, a puddle collecting at his feet.

"Alex, we'll take them away. Don't do anything that's going to fuck over the rest of your life." Jensen puts out a hand, hoping to calm him. With his other hand, he signals to the other cops to take the boys away.

"Right! Like my life isn't already fucked over?" Alex starts half-crying, tears trickling down, making tracks in his dirty face. "What's one more thing?"

"Dude, a halfway house is a far cry from prison. You do not want to go there, believe me." Jensen puts as much firmness in his voice as he can. He prays that he can still stop this from ruining any future that Alex might still have. There's no coming back from manslaughter, or murder.

"Hey, I'd know my place then, right? Prison twink? Young and pretty, fucked into the ground until someone ends me? Maybe it would be just as well. Better than fucking pretending that anyone gives a shit!"

"People do give a shit! Loretta does! Kim does! I do!" Jensen reaches out, hoping to get the gun away from Alex's frenzied grip.

 _"Stop!"_ Alex screams. The gun swings to point at Jensen, but he's too worried about Alex to worry about it. Besides, he's faced guns before.

Then Alex moves the gun again, only now he points it at his own temple.

"Maybe this is the answer. Just end it. Everything is stupid anyway. Nothing means anything. I don't mean anything." The tears are coursing down Alex's cheeks now. The blank veneer has cracked, and every bit of pain inside him is streaming out in one enormous catharsis. It would be great, except there is still that little issue of the gun pointed at Alex's blond head.

"No! It's never the answer! It's just-- _nothing!_ You still have a life, Alex. You deserve a real life. Let us help you find it." Jensen's eyes are fixed on Alex's; he doesn't dare look away from those tortured blue eyes, so hot and angry and desperate.

Alex drops to his knees, unable to keep standing as the strength of his anger drains out. Jensen sees Loretta and Kim out of the corner of his eyes, ready to move in. He cautions them to wait with a raised hand.

Jensen draws closer to Alex, slowly so he doesn't startle him. 

"Alex," Jensen says softly. "I want to help. Please, let me help."

Alex hiccups, the gun wavering.

Chris flies in from the side, throwing himself on top of Alex, knocking the gun away from his head with one arm. They land on the ground with a solid thump. The gun still discharges, but pointed away from Alex. Jensen draws a huge sigh of relief. He'll yell at Chris later, but Chris is a vet and a multiple black belt, and he knows his shit. He just saved the boy's life.

A pain ignites on Jensen's side, like his ribs just caught on fire. It's his turn to drop to his knees, clutching his side. Rich is helping Chris to get Alex into the ambulance that Steve has driven over, and then off to the hospital. It's Jared who is instantly there, hands pressed on Jensen's ribs, taking the scarf Loretta holds out to use as an ersatz pressure dressing.   
"It's okay, Jen, just a graze," Jared says. "Let's get you out of here and patch you up, okay?"

Jensen nods, exhausted from the emotional effort he just expended and now the physical trauma of being shot.


	3. Chapter 3

It takes a while at the hospital, because Jared fusses over Jensen a lot. He's horrified that his boyfriend got shot, even though he realizes intellectually that as sheriff, Jensen is often put in danger's way. At least the shot is not lethal at all, but Jared cleans and dresses it carefully, instructing Jensen to watch for any signs of infection and to take it easy the next couple of days.

"Yeah, yeah," Jensen complains, but Jared sees the quiet happiness in those green eyes. Someone is taking care of him for once, and Jared can see he likes it.

Jensen does take it easy for a couple of days, but then it's back in the saddle. Jared can't quibble, as he too is busy, busy, busy at the hospital. They don't get to see each other for the better part of a week, and even then it's just a quick bite for lunch at the sandwich shop.

"Sorry, we're short again with Rob out for vacation--I think he and Ruth went to Cancun together." Jensen picks at his turkey club.

"Hey, I'm no better off here, so don't worry about it. There was a round of flu, and everyone was tied up with cases coming into the ER, or getting sick themselves. Things will quiet down." Jared steals Jensen's pickle spear and eats it. "Not hungry?"

"Naw, Alona brought in some cookies earlier. Anyway, I'll text you tonight, okay?" Texting and FaceTime has been their saving grace, as far as communication.

"Sure thing. Get some rest later, you look a little pale, and believe me when I say, you do not want to catch this virus. It's nasty!" Jared shivers, but then polishes off the rest of his own sandwich.

"Will do, doctor." Jensen smiles pallidly at Jared and stands up to leave. Jared watches him exit, a small worry line on his forehead. Then his pager goes off, and he sighs and heads back to the hospital.

That night, Jared texts Jensen. _are you resting?_

No answer. Jared goes ahead and heats up a microwave dinner, figuring Jensen was still at work or otherwise tied up. After he eats and cleans up, he checks but there's still no answer. He sends another text.

_what are you wearing lol_

Still no answer. Jared tries to pooh-pooh his concern, but he decides to call anyway. He gets voicemail.

"Hey, Jensen, just checking up on you. Give me a call back, okay?"

Hanging up, Jared sits on his couch, indecisive. Jensen is probably fine. He is a grown-ass man, and a sheriff to boot. Jared is being silly.

Still...

Jared, decision made, gets up and grabs his wallet and keys. He drives over to Jensen's house. Seeing Jensen's truck parked in the driveway is both reassuring and alarming. Fine that he is home after all, but then why wasn't he answering the phone?

Jared parks behind Jensen's truck and jogs over to the door. Trying the knob, he's happy to find it unlocked. Entering the house, he hears the TV playing. 

"Hey Jensen? Buddy, it's me, I wanted to check on you."

No answer. Jared quickly scopes out the kitchen and living room--no Jensen. He bounds up the stairs and looks in the bedroom. No Jensen, but clean clothes are laid out on the bed. Jared runs into the bathroom.

Jensen is lying on the floor. His teeth are chattering, but Jared can feel heat blasting from his body. He drops to his knees to examine Jensen, but it only takes a second to see the red streaks snaking out from the gunshot wound, itself puffy and green with pus.

"Oh shit," Jared gasps. He grabs his phone and dials 911. "This is Dr. Padalecki from Lamesa Hospital. I have a patient with septicemia that needs to be brought to the hospital immediately. 2731 Conestoga Street."

Jared grabs the hand towel and soaks it in the sink. He wraps it around Jensen's neck to start addressing the fever, but really everything else will have to be done at the hospital. Jensen needs IV antibiotics as soon as possible, and his wound cleaned out.

When the ambulance gets there, Jared tells them he'll follow them as he'll be treating Jensen at the hospital. The EMTs load Jensen into the ambulance, and they all take off, Jared following right behind in his car.

His attending, Charles Whitfield, is on duty when they get to the ER. He takes in the information from the EMTs and directs them to a trauma bay. When Jared tries to follow, Charles puts up a firm hand and tells Jared to back off.

"You know the rules. It's only on television that friends get to operate on the patient. You know where the coffee is. Get." He pats Jared on the shoulder. "I'll do right by him, don't worry."

Jared tries again to protest, but he knows Charles is right, and also that his boss doesn't put up with any shit. So Charles follows Jensen's gurney, and Jared goes off to the doctor's lounge to wait.

The wait seems like forever. Every time the door opens, Jared jumps up. By the fifth time, he manages to start restraining himself. He does get coffee, and the doctor's lounge coffee pot is way better than the vending machine, but still, the brew is bitter and makes his stomach churn. He ditches his remaining half a cup and gets a water bottle instead.

Finally, Charles comes in. Jared does jump up this time, his nerves stretched to breaking point with anxiety.

"How is he? What--"

"Let a man breathe, Padalecki," Charles says. He gets a water bottle too, guzzling it. "That's better. Jensen should be fine. He was stupid, and he's got to rest for a while, but we caught it. His wound is cleaned out, and he's on IV antibiotics." He sits down on a couch, and Jared sits on the chair catty-corner to it. "What happened in the first place? That's a gunshot graze."

Jared sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, it was during the Fall Festival. Teenager from the Residence Care House was getting hassled, and he managed to grab one of the officer's guns. Jensen got it away from him, but got grazed in the melee." Jared shakes his head and snorts. "I cleaned it up, bandaged it, told him how to take care of it. Stupid. I should have checked on it, but we haven't had any time to even see each other--"

"Relax," says Charles. "He's all grown up, it's up to him to take care of himself. You can't put that on you." He stands up. "Now, I got him on the good stuff tonight, but you can come and peek at him for a minute before they take him up to a room." He winks at Jared. "That is, if you want to."

Jared is on Charles' heels all the way back to the ER.

Jensen is pretty out of it at first. He's pale even against the white sheets, the dark green of the hospital gown practically black in contrast. Reddish-purple shadows hang under his eyes, and his normally soft, pink lips are dry. 

He has an IV well in one arm connected to several bags hanging on a stand. "Saline for dehydration, antibiotics, glucose," says Charles. "And, of course, the morphine. He's higher than a kite right now. Plus the fever is still coming down, so he's Mr. Loop-de-loop. No signing any legal documents tonight." He winks at Jared. "Or getting married."

Jared chuckles weakly. Charles looks at him and shakes his head.

"You got it bad, son. He know?"

Jared shrugs. "We're, uh, just kinda playing by ear. No strings. He likes it that way, and I, well, you know."

"Uh-huh. Well, you may think y'all don't have strings, but you may need to re-evaluate yourselves. In the meantime, you should go get some rest. He's going up to his room in a minute."

"Thank you, Charles." Jared shakes his hand fervently.

"Of course. See you tomorrow, Jared." Charles leaves, drawing the bay curtain closed behind him.

Jared pulls up the chair next to the bed, sitting and taking Jensen's non-IV hand in his. "I know you're going upstairs in a few minutes, Jen, but I'll wait here until then with you, okay? And I'll be back first thing in the morning."

Jensen stirs, mumbling and licking his lips. Jared pours a little water from the ever-present pink plastic pitcher into a cup and holds it to Jensen's lips, just wetting them. Jensen licks at it, and Jared gives him a couple of sips.

"Mmmmm" murmurs Jensen. His eyelids flutter, but don't open. 

"Shhh, just rest," Jared croons. "Just rest, baby."

"Jarrrrrrred," Jensen mumbles. "Jayyyy..."

"Yeah, I'm here. Just rest, Jen."

Jensen sighs. "Mmmm Jare...love Jare."

Jared feels a little self-conscious, but at the same time his heart is warmed by Jensen's words, drug-induced or not.

"Shhhh," continues Jensen. "Shhh, don't tell." His eyelids flutter again, and this time Jared can see a slit of green. Jensen's gaze is cloudy and unfocused, but Jared finds it reassuring to see even that.

"Why shh, Jen? Is it a secret?" Jared asks teasingly.

"Yeah, ssssecret. Don' tell Jare...I love him. He don' wan'...jus' wanna fool around. Have fun. S'okay. But I...lu...love him. Shhh."

Jared stares at Jensen, shocked.

A nurse and her assistant pop in. "Okay now, we're going to take Mr. Ackles here up to his room. Friends and family--oh, it's you, Dr. Padalecki! Well, of course you can visit him anytime, but we're going to give him another dose of happy juice. You might as well go home and see him in the morning!" The nurse and the aide each take one end of the gurney and begin to roll Jensen out of the bay.

"Sure, sure. I'll do that," Jared says, answering automatically. His brain is buzzing with what Jensen just said to him, even though it was under the influence of the morphine. 

Is Jensen really in love with him? And hiding it because he thinks that is what Jared wants? If that's true, then Jared feels terrible for putting that strain on him.

And what exactly is Jared feeling? Because he sure is all wrapped up in Jensen's health right now, and taking responsibility and all. That is all pretty serious stuff. More than simple friend-fun pal stuff.

Isn't it?

Jared heads out to his car. Time to go home, shower, eat something. Maybe have a stiff drink.

And think.

Jensen thinks about opening his eyes. It seems more difficult than he'd anticipated. They're heavy, or maybe stuck? 

He hears electronic beeps, soft whooshes.

_Hospital._

Why is he in the hospital?

"Shh."

A soft, deep voice hushes his little grunts of effort. 

_Jared._

"You're in the hospital. Your gunshot wound got infected."

_Ooooh, shit._

"It's okay. You're all cleaned up--been on IV antibiotics for a couple of days now. You're going to be just fine. I've got you."

_Okay._

And darkness overtakes him again.

Chris is in the family waiting room this time. The sheriff's friends and office staff have been cycling through during the last forty-eight hours.

"He's fine. He woke up for a minute. It's a good sign, and he should be coherent in the next day or so. He's going to be okay." Jared doesn't even realize the impact of those words until he says them to Chris.

_Jensen is going to be okay._

"Thank God." Chris sighs in relief.

"Yeah, I'm with you there." Jared shakes his head. "He must have totally ignored the wound. I think those were the same bandages I put on him after the shooting. I don't know what he was thinking."

"Yeah, he's so busy thinking about everyone else." Chris rubs his face, and then his knees buckle. Jared catches his arm and steers him to a chair.

"Dude, when did you eat last?" 

Chris shakes his head. "I don't even know. Between checking on Jensen here, and helping the station and my EMT shifts, I--"

Jared frowns at him. "Enough. Go home. Eat something. Sleep. Don't come back here for the next twenty-four hours." He squeezes Chris' shoulder. "He's fine. Stand down."

Chris nods. He stands and awkwardly grabs Jared in a clumsy hug. "Thank you. Thank you, man. If he'd--"

"But he didn't. And he won't. Go." Jared gives him a little push.

Chris walks away, and Jared sinks down into the empty chair.

What if Jensen _had_...

"But he didn't." Jared speaks aloud. "He didn't."

The incredible import of that statement begins to sink into him.

Still beeps and whooshes, but this time, Jensen is able to unstick his eyelids and look around.

Walls and linens with pale cream and aqua color scheme that could only be a hospital. A whiteboard across from the bed has "Thursday, October 17th" scrawled in purple marker.

What? When was the Festival?

What the hell happened?

Where was Jared?

He struggles to get up, causing various lights and alarms to beep and flash. A nurse rushes in.

"Now, Sheriff, take it easy--"

He bats at her cautionary hands. "What--"

"Please, relax. I'll call Dr. Padalecki right away, but you need to relax." She gently but firmly pushes him back into his bed. He goes reluctantly, unwilling to admit he feels weak as the proverbial kitten.

Fortunately she spoke the truth. Jared zooms into Jensen's room, white doctor coat sailing out behind him. His face bears both concern and professionalism, but his eyes are full of worry and love.

"Jen, Jen--take it easy. You have to relax. Everything is okay."

Under the gentle pressure of Jared's large, warm hands, Jensen feels safe and cared for. He relaxes back against his bed, but he still has questions.

"What happened? Jared, why am I here?"

The nurse materializes with a plastic cup of water and a straw. Jared takes it from her and gently helps Jensen take a few sips, relieving his dry mouth and throat.

"What do you remember, Jensen? Remember the Festival?" Jared takes his little doctor penlight and flicks the light around to check Jensen's eyes. He peels back the blanket and lifts Jensen's gown, and Jensen sees a new white bandage on his side. Jared carefully probes and feels along the sides, then lifts the bandage to see the wound itself. He nods with an air of satisfaction, re-fastening the bandage and replacing the gown and blanket. On the other side of the bed, the nurse takes his pulse and checks his oxygen level.

"Yeah, of course. I got shot." Jensen can't help a dry tone to his remark, and Jared smiles. "I know that it was a couple of days ago. I was working like usual, and...oh, my side was hurting. I remember going toward the bathroom for some Tylenol." He shakes his head. "If it's Thursday--did I lose a few days?"

Jared pulls the chair over to his bedside and takes Jensen's hand in a very non-professional way. The nurse smiles and quietly disappears. Jensen is glad to be alone with his doctor boyfriend.

"You've been here for the better part of a week, Jensen. Your gunshot wound got infected. The infection caused septicemia, or blood poisoning." He squeezes Jensen's hand. "You were really, really sick. You've been hooked up to IV antibiotics, and sedated to let you heal." He squeezes Jensen's hand again. "I'm so happy to see you back among us."

Jensen looks into Jared's eyes and sees them glittering suspiciously.

"Was it, um...was it that bad?" He almost doesn't want to know.

Jared clears his throat. "Yeah, it was. But you're going to be fine now. So be a good boy and listen to your doctor from now on. When he tells you to keep an eye on a boo-boo, do it, okay?" Jared shakes a mock-angry finger at Jensen before rising. "I have to go check on some other patients, but I'll be back at the end of my shift." He leans down and kisses Jensen's forehead.

Jensen closes his eyes, savoring the warmth that Jared's kiss bestows and feeling it spread throughout his body. He starts drifting off, and is barely aware of Jared's whispered orders to the nurse and subsequent departure.

Jared strides down the hospital corridor with a renewed sense of optimism. Jensen is awake. Awake and cognizant and himself.

It's all he'd been hoping for.

He heads toward the family waiting area, where he knows someone from Jensen's group of friends has been stationed throughout this entire time. They'd been taking shifts; Matt, Dani, Chris, Steve, Rich, Rob, and so on.

Sure enough, there's Chris, slouched on a couch and reading some music magazine. His long brown hair is pulled back into a ponytail, and his face reflects the fatigue of pulling EMT shifts and spending hours waiting to hear about Jensen's condition.

Jared goes up to Chris, who immediately drops his magazine and jumps to his feet.

"What is it?" Chris is nothing if not direct, Jared thinks.

"He's going to be fine." That was as far as Jared gets before he's enveloped in a bear hug of the rib-cracking variety.

Chris releases Jared as quickly as he'd grabbed him. "Sorry..."

Jared chuckles. "No, you're fine. I'm as excited as you are. He's awake, aware, knows who he is and where. He's lost the days in here, but that's about it." Jared runs a hand through his hair, the import of his own words sinking in.

"That's fantastic." Chris blows out a breath. "Can I see him?"

"Tomorrow. They'll be checking him out, running some tests. He'll be on liquids today but he can get some soft food tomorrow, and he'll be a lot stronger." Chris frowns, but nods his head in agreement. Jared can't fault his impatience--he'd be just as bad, if not worse.

"Go get some sleep, dude." Jared pats Chris' back. "It's okay to rest."

Chris nods again. "Yeah, I'm a little fried."

Jared snorts. "A little?"

Chris punches him in the arm. "I'll let Steve know, and he'll do the telephone tree."  
"Awesome, thanks." Jared watches Chris walk away, and takes a big breath in. Sleep didn't sound like a bad idea for him as well.

He heads up to Dr. Whitfield's office. Whitfield had asked to be updated on Jensen, and Jared thinks he'll see if he could leave early for some of that sleep thing. He taps on Whitfield's half-open door, peering around it and seeing Whitfield seated at his desk with a pile of folders.

"Charles, got a sec?" Jared asks, entering when Charles waves him in.

"How is he," asks Charles, pushing the folders aside.

Jared grins shakily. "He's--he's good. Awake and cognizant. We'll be running the usual tests, but he looks...really good." He thinks he'll never be tired of looking at a healthy Jensen.

Charles grins, showing his even white teeth. The look in his eyes makes Jared suspect Charles sees more than he's saying. "Is that your _professional_ opinion, Dr. Padalecki?" He winks.

Jared can't help laughing. "Professional and unprofessional both. Uh, I was wondering if I could--"

Charles waves him off. "Go. Sleep. Eat. Shower. See you back in twenty-four hours."

"Thank you!" Jared exclaims gratefully, giving a half-bow before dashing out the door.

The duty nurse tells Jensen that Jared is out for twenty-four hours of self-care per Dr. Whitfield's orders, so Jensen schools himself to be patient. He goes through the tests, takes several naps, and makes it to soft solid food. Mashed potatoes and chicken noodle soup have never tasted so delicious. His side mostly hurts only when it's poked and prodded at, but even he can see it's healing well. The ominous red puffiness is all gone. He'll be left with a pink, puckery line along the side of his ribs, but that's all.

What's troubling him more is wondering what's happened with Alex. No one will discuss it with him, keeping their focus strictly on Jensen's well-being. He hasn't talked with anyone from the office yet, or from the Residence Care House, although he knows they've been updated about his condition. He's anxious about the teen, but tells himself he's just going to have to wait for Jared.

And then Jared walks in, all clean-shaven and good-smelling, with that beautiful smile and those gorgeous eyes, holding a little plush police bear. All Jensen wants to do is hug him, be held by him, kiss him.

Happily, Jared is of a similar mind, and several joyful minutes are spent on those pursuits.

Finally Jensen gently pushes Jared away. "Thank you for my new bear friend." He waggles the bear at Jared, and they both laugh.

Jensen's face sobers. He needs to know what is going on. "What's going on with Alex?"

Jared looks down at his hands, then back at Jensen. His mouth turns down at the corners. "He's in juvenile detention for now."

Jensen exclaims in protest, but Jared holds up a hand. "They had to, Jensen. He stole a police officer's weapon and used it to shoot another officer. They couldn't just send him back to the halfway house."

Jensen knows Jared is right, but it still makes his heart ache for the troubled boy. "Is he in treatment?"

"Yes, Ruth is seeing him daily. He has his own room." Jared clears his throat. "He's on suicide watch, Jen. They just aren't sure how well he's dealing."

Jensen's head falls back on the pillow. "Oh God, it's all my fault. If I had just paid more attention, kept a better eye on him--"

"No!" Jared seized Jensen's hands, immediately releasing them when Jensen winced. "It is not your fault. That was all inside him already. Just because you didn't tell him to take a meal break does not result in what happened. You didn't set those boys on him. You didn't tell him to grab DJ's gun."

Jensen knows Jared is right. If he'd been anything, he'd been the match to the tinder, but Jared speaks the truth when he points out that Alex had arrived in Lamesa as a simmering pot of angst and depression.

"I just hope they can help him." Jensen is quiet for a moment, then adds, "I'd like to see him when I can. When it's allowed."

"Are you sure, Jen?"

"Yeah, he doesn't need to add the guilt of hurting me to what he's already carrying."

Jared nodded. "Okay. He's waiting for a hearing, and Loretta and Kim are hoping at that point he can be released into their care at the house." Jared's expression brightens, "But right now, let's see about getting you home, okay?"

"Really? I can go home?" Jensen feels a big smile spread across his face.

"Yup. You even get door-to-door medical supervision." Jared preens. 

"Awesome! Let's hit it!"

Jensen tries to hop out of bed, but instead half-slides to the floor.

"Easy, tiger. Let's take it a little slower than that, okay?" Jared's hand is firm under Jensen's elbow. Warm and strong.

Jensen clings to Jared as he gets his feet under him. "Yes sir, Doctor!"

After taking Jensen home and babysitting while he showered and got into clean pajamas, Jared tucks him into bed. He gives Jensen a painkiller for the night, and leaves a couple of water bottles, some peanut butter crackers, and his phone charger on the night table. Then it's a gentle kiss goodnight, as Jensen's eyelids are already drooping, followed by a promise to stop over in the morning.

Jared's shift doesn't start for a few more hours. He's almost at a loss for what to do with himself, but as he sits in his car, something on the outskirts of his mind keeps poking at him. He rolls various thoughts around in his head until it dawns on him that he's avoiding a specific topic.

Namely, Jensen's drug-induced confession about how he feels about Jared. The one where he admitted that he's in love with Jared, but is hiding it because he thinks it isn't what Jared wants.

So, the first thing is, Jensen's in love with him.

Second: How does he, Jared, feel about that?

When he had moved to Lamesa, he'd been positive that all he wanted from now on was no strings, no 'relationship', just fun and dating and hopefully some sex. He'd had his heart broken for the last time.

Meeting Jensen hadn't changed that...at least at first. He'd heard that Jensen was not a player, but a free agent. And that suited Jared just fine. They had fun; they hadn't had sex yet, but they'd fooled around a bit. The physical pull was definitely mutual. He definitely wanted more along those lines, yessiree.

But now, Jensen is in love with him.

Dammit.

It's kinda wonderful, but it makes for a sticky situation. So much vulnerability, so much risk involved.

Jared doesn't think he can take one more heartbreak, whether it's his or Jensen's. 


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen stands up from his desk chair and stretches. He's got a lot of paperwork to catch up on from his absence, while he was in the hospital and then recovering. Fortunately, most of it is pretty rote. Really the only major event had been his own shooting.

He sighed, thinking of the shooting and its repercussions. Alex had spent a few weeks in juvenile detention, the first two of which were on suicide watch. He's had his hearing, where they released him on probation to Loretta and Kim, but Jensen hasn't seen Alex yet. He knows he needs to go see the boy and let him know that Jensen doesn't blame him for anything.

Jensen himself had been so distracted that he hadn't even realized his wound was getting infected. If Jared hadn't come over when he did...well, Jensen is a lucky guy. He responded well to the antibiotics, and then just needed to rest up at home and get his strength back. 

Jared has been over to Jensen's house a lot during that time. Like, a _lot_. It made Jensen smile, how Jared's two sides contrasted. Doctor Jared was careful, precise, with gentle hands and firm instructions, although still with a sense of humor. Boyfriend Jared was a little shy sometimes, a lot goofy, and one hundred percent adorable. Also a large dash of hot.

There's been some long, leisurely make-out sessions, but Jared refuses to go further until he feels that Jensen has fully recovered. "I don't want to have to explain your relapse," Jared says. "I have a professional reputation to maintain." But then he collapses in giggles when Jensen pokes his side, and they start kissing again.

Jensen knows it's coming. They'll get there. But he's starting to wish they could get there a lot sooner. So does his dick. There's been a lot of steamy shower fantasies lately.

Something else is bothering Jensen though. For all the time they're spending together, for all of Jared's attentiveness, Jensen feels like Jared is holding something back. There is some... _thing_ that Jared isn't telling him. Jensen has interviewed too many witnesses and suspects to not know when someone's isn't being upfront about things. And Jared...well, something's going on in his head, and Jensen wants to find out what it is.

Right now, though, Jensen's first full day (he's been working half-days for a week already), is over, and he's meeting Jared for a beer and a burger.

Jared greets him with a squeeze of the hand, and they sit opposite each other in a booth at The Dust Devil. Jensen just basks in the glow that is Jared--the smiles, the sparkly eyes, the little nudges of his foot under the table. They eat their meals and have their beer while discussing their respective days. Jensen complains about the paperwork pile-up, and Jared tells him about the ER shenanigans. It's nice, it's relaxed, and Jensen wants to take Jared home with him and curl up in his big bed and watch a show before they make love.

When they've paid the bill and walk out to their cars, Jensen tells Jared just that.

"I'm fine. I'm healed. I'm cleared for full duty at the station." He takes Jared's hand. "I want us to make love. I want you so much, and I think I'm not just whistling in the dark when I say you want me too. Come home with me. Stay the night."

Jared gives him a long look, a mysterious look that Jensen just knows is tied to whatever it is he's not saying. But he does nod and say, "Yes."

They drive back to Jensen's separately, so Jensen has plenty of time to worry about what's going to happen. Also enough time for his cock to try and rip its way through his jeans as he tries to picture a naked Jared. He parks in his driveway, Jared right behind him, and then they're trying not to run for the door. Jared is apparently way onboard with this.

As soon as they shut the door, Jared is on him, wrapping his arms around Jensen and kissing him like there is no tomorrow. Jensen's swept away with Jared's passion, and wonders why the hell they'd been holding off for so long.

Clothes litter the stairs and hallway on the way to Jensen's bedroom, stripped off by eager hands. Mouths part only to kiss, suck, and bite skin. They tumble naked onto Jensen's bed. Jensen can't press close enough to Jared; to the length of his body, the hard curves of his muscles, and the insistent rutting of his big, beautiful cock.

It's a blur of sensation and it's crystalline in the clarity of every moment. Jared's hands, mouth, skin, cock, chest--his _everything_ is magnificent and gorgeous, more than Jensen even imagined. He glories in how Jared touches him; the caresses, the coiled strength of him, how everything is both passionate and tender at the same time. Jensen feels an excitement he's never felt with any other lover. 

_If I hadn't already fallen for him, I would now,_ Jensen manages to think between gasps and moans. _What am I going to do? I never thought this would happen to me. He's everything I could want, but he doesn't want a relationship. Love. I'm so fucked._

And so, as if to deny his vulnerability, Jensen rolls Jared over and proceeds to fuck him soundly, plunging as deep as he can into Jared, as if offering all that Jensen can give with every thrust. Jared's face is beatific when he comes, neck arching like a ballerina while his muscular thighs buck up into Jensen.

Jensen feels tears pricking when it's his turn; the swell of his orgasm moves past physical pleasure into a new kind of bliss. He tries to laugh at himself later for being an emotional pussy, but he knows he's deluding himself. He's sealed to Jared--mind, body, and heart. 

Jared sees Felicia across the reception area of the ER and heads over to say hi. Between him spending time with Jensen and her promotion to Chief Resident, they haven't seen much of each other. She beams at him, poking her bony elbow into his ribs. It really kinda hurts.

"So, I hear you and the sheriff are knocking boots these days," she says gleefully.

"What! How can you know that? " Jared exclaims in mostly-mock indignation. "Can't a person's private life be, you know, _private?"_

"Not here in Gossip Central! Don't you know doctors are always going around boinking everyone? Especially in the on-call rooms! That's how it works on _Grey's Anatomy_ '!" She gives a little cackle. "Isn't that a great word, 'boink'?"

"No, that is a dirty word, you dirty bird." He flicks her forehead, making her squeal and smack his arm. "Seriously, how do you know?"

"I had coffee with Alona the other day, and she told me how Jensen is allll smiles these days. Only one reason for that, right? He's gettin' some sweet, sweet lovin'." Felicia gives him a big stage wink and makes kissy noises.

"That is so crass, Fel." Jared burps loudly at her, and she howls in laughter after smacking him again. "Ow! Yes, the sheriff and I have advanced to 'having intimate relations'." Jared sticks his tongue out at her. "Happy now? But you don't need to broadcast it."

"Honey, this is Lamesa. Everything is news as it happens." She gives him a quick hug. "Anyway, I think it's great. Be happy!" She scampers off, cackling some more. Jared shakes his head and grins.

It is so great. Jensen is so great. The sex is fantastic. Jared hadn't realized what he was missing before being with Jensen. He's been in relationships where the other person hadn't been as invested as Jared, where the real emotional intimacy had been missing. He just hadn't known what a difference it would make. 

Huge difference. _Huge._ He feels like Julia Roberts in _Pretty Woman_ when she's shaking her enormous shopping bags at the snooty sales clerk. Only Jared is shaking his happy heart and cock at his stupid ex-fiancé.

"Dr. P, incoming trauma! Fall from a ladder, broken leg, possible head injury." Katie rushes by him on the way to the ambulance bay.

"Trauma two, on my way!" Jared shakes the rainbows out of his head and races off to do his job.

Jensen sits in a booth at The Pickled Onion, waiting for Jason to join him. It's their favorite place when they don't want to run into everyone over at the Dust Devil. They haven't had much time to hang out lately, with Jensen's demanding job and then spending time with Jared. Jensen's looking forward to a couple of cold ones and hanging with his best friend.

Jason plops down and snags Jensen's beer. 

"Hey!" Jensen protests in mock indignation. The server immediately shows up with fresh beers, per Jensen's earlier instructions.

The men grin at each other, toasting with clinks of their bottles.

"Good to see you, man. That doctor keeps you hopping, huh?" Jason winks at Jensen, a big smile on his face. "Seriously, though, I'm happy you got someone that makes you happy. Been a long time since you had more than just a one night stand."

"You calling me a slut, Manns?" Jensen demands. They chuckle in unison. Jensen knows Jason is right. This is a whole new ball game for him, and he's liking it a lot.

They choose some appetizers to share and sit back to relax.

"So, how are you feeling? How are things going with Jared? Lay it on me, dude."

"Good and good. I feel fine, Jared is amazing, and that's the scoop." Jensen decides to go for the barbecue chicken, and also orders some tequila. 

"We're not getting hammered now, I have to work in the morning," Jason says, shaking an admonishing finger at Jensen.

"I know, it's a school night for me too, Paw." The shots come and they toast. "Just want to celebrate having dinner with my best dude."

Food arrives, and they chat as they eat. One more shot after eating, and then Jason gives Jensen the inquisitor's eye.

"What's going on, Jen? I see the gears grinding upstairs there. What's really on your mind besides us catching up?"

Jensen starts to blow Jason off, but he looks across the table and sees the man who was at his side all through high school. The guy who had his back when he came out. The dude who's manly enough for two men, yet can compose a beautiful love song and sing it like a dream. If he's going to tell anyone, he's going to tell Jason.

"I think I'm in love."

Jason stares at him in shock. Jensen is about ready to fan him with a menu when Jason raises his hand for the server.

"We're going to need a couple more shots over here, please."

Jared is about ready to clock out for the evening when Katie comes up to him, blonde ponytail bouncing.

"Hey, Jared, have you seen Dr. Whitfield? He was looking for you earlier."

"Uh, no, not today. Was it about anything in particular?" Jared's somewhat puzzled about what Charles might want. They don't have any cases in common at the moment, but of course as Jared's boss, really all of his cases come under Charles.

"Nope, didn't say anything to me except he needs to talk to you." Katie walks away, and Jared is left feeling a little anxious.

He hangs up his white coat and stethoscope in his locker, retrieving his messenger bag. He'd already changed out of his scrubs, so he goes off to look for Charles.

Charles finds Jared first, calling out his name as Jared crosses the big walkway at the entrance of the hospital.

"Jared!" Charles waves him over. When Jared gets to him, Charles says, "I have something rather time sensitive to discuss with you. Are you done with your shift? We could go to the bar down the block and have a drink. My treat."

"Sure," replies Jared with some surprise. He gets along really well with his boss, likes and respects the man, but this is the first time they'll be having drinks together. Now Jared is really curious about what's up.

They go down to the bar, The Apothecary (ha ha, it caters to the hospital crowd) and order drinks.

"Okay, Charles, so what's up? Because you're a great boss, and a cool dude, but we've never done this before. I have to think there's something specific on your mind," says Jared, after the first good sip of his whiskey and ginger. 

"Well, you're not wrong." Charles inhales his gin and tonic, signals for another. He looks askance at Jared, who figures, why not? They just chit chat until the second round arrives, along with some cheese fries.

"Jared, I like you." Charles punctuates himself with a mouthful of cheese fries. Jared snickers internally. Everyone looks silly with a mouthful of cheese fries.

"Thank you. I love working at Lamesa, and I appreciate the chance to start over." Charles is fully informed on why Jared was looking to relocate so near the end of his residency, and he was sympathetic. Plus Jared was a Chief Resident at his old hospital and is smart as fuck. Jared knows this for a fact, he has no false modesty.

"I got a call from Raleigh-Durham today about you." Charles calmly sips his drink and eats more cheese fries.

Jared, meanwhile, is astonished. 

"What?" he finally manages to blurt out. He's terrified suddenly that his attending position has vanished--that R-D has decided they no longer have need of his services, and he can go hang.

"Relax!" chuckles Charles. He actually pats Jared's hand. "It's fine. They wanted to know if you'd like to transfer there now, instead of waiting until your residency here is finished. They thought since you were going to be an attending there anyway, you start there early, finish the last couple of months of your residency, and then you'd already be in the loop, so to speak." Charles finishes his drink and signals for another. Jared hurries to catch up. Charles continues, "It makes sense, really. You'll already be familiar with the hospital at that point--staff, layout, etcetera. It's just...is that what you want to do?"

He looks intently at Jared.

Jared is completely at a loss of how to answer.

Charles smiles gently. "Hey, it's okay. I'm sure you need a little time to think it over. It's a good offer, I have to say. More money right off the bat, and your foot in the door." The fresh drinks arrive, and Jared blindly shoots his drink down.

"I--wow, it's really a great offer. I just didn't expect anything like this." Jared finally gets some words out. He's flattered, but...he's just really confused. Suddenly it hits him that there is more than just his career to think about. He hasn't admitted that to himself at all, but why else would his head be filled with such a fog of indecision, right? He should just be elated, should be bouncing around on cloud nine that his next job wants him early. But--

Charles puts his empty glass down. "Take the next twenty-four hours to think it over, son. I'll square your hours for tomorrow. It's a big decision, I know. A lot of factors to consider." He gets up and claps a stunned Jared on the shoulder. "Come see me tomorrow, let me know your decision. I don't think I have to say how much Lamesa would like for you to stay. You're an excellent doctor, Jared, and I'd be lucky to keep you here. I'm not going to stand in the way of your career though."

He leaves, and Jared sits, staring at the beads of condensation on the glossy wood table.

Jared sits in the doctor's lounge, bouncing a tennis ball off the wall. The repetitive _thunk thunk_ punctuates the loop that his thoughts are spinning in.

North Carolina.

Jensen.

Raleigh-Durham.

Lamesa.

Career.

Jensen.

And repeat.

He groans, dropping the ball and putting his hands over his face. His brain is just a big pile of mush right now, and he has no idea what to do.

Jared knows it's bad because he actually wants to talk to Chad. That's never ended well, so he's not sure why he thinks it would this time. Chad would probably tell him to junk medicine altogether and head on down to Tijuana. Fortunately Chad is off on an internship somewhere in Borneo, so Jared is spared his wisdom.

Felicia comes in and stops short as she looks at Jared. He must look a mess, he figures, if he stopped her in her tracks.

"That bad?" he asks.

"Yeah, 'fraid so." She sits next to him and runs her fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. "What's up? Need to talk to Auntie Felicia?" Her words are light, but he hears the kindness in her voice.

That's what does him in.

"I...I don't know what to do," he says, and hears his voice break. Tears start rolling down his cheeks. He's not sobbing, but he can't stop the trickling tears either. All of his frustration and indecision and emotions are coming to a head. "I have, like the best job offer I could hope for, and I should be so happy about it. But I'm not, and it's all because of Jensen." He hiccups, and Felicia starts rubbing his back.

"What's the problem? Where's the job?" asks Felicia. She's pretty much always been at Lamesa General, but she's well aware of the nomadic nature of a young doctor. The goal is to go where the opportunities are, wherever around the country they may be. 

"North Carolina. I'm supposed to start as an attending there once I finish my residency here. I just--I wasn't really thinking about it, because it's a while from now. Only, they just called and offered for me to finish there now. Like go there _now."_ He swipes at his face with the back of his hand, and Felicia tactfully nudges a tissue box closer without actually handing them to him like he's a love-struck teenager. Except apparently he is just that.

"Fel, I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to fall in love again. I don't even know if I really have, I just know that Jensen--" He can't get anything else out, his throat is too choked up.

"Jensen?" she repeats softly. "What about Jensen, sweetie?"

Jared shakes his head and takes a deep breath. "He loves me. And he's wonderful. And now I'm all confused. Should I stay here or move? Do I really love him or am I just being a sap, like I have been in the past? It was all fine until he got shot, and then he was all doped up and saying shit like 'I love you Jared'. Maybe it was just the morphine, because he's never said anything since. He doesn't even know that I heard him, because if it was real, I figured he'd tell me, but he hasn't. So I just don't know what to do." He drops his face back into his hands.

Felicia hugs as much of Jared as she can reach. "You'll figure it out. We'll figure it all out," she murmurs.

"Hey, have you talked to Jared today?" asks Alona, as she comes in with a tray of coffees. Jensen drops the papers he's holding and follows her to the break room, where he grabs one of the steaming cups and drinks greedily.

"Earth to Jensen!" Alona laughs. "Is your brain on line now?"

"Yes," answers Jensen. "It is. What about Jared?"

"Have you talked to him? About the job offer?" Alona produces a bag of muffins too, but her words stun Jensen and he simply stares at her instead of snagging his favorite cranberry orange muffin before someone else steals it.

"Job?" he repeats blankly.

Alona rolls her eyes. "Yes, silly, from Raleigh-Durham. Felicia told me about it over breakfast." She finishes putting out the muffins and coffee and snaps her fingers in his face a couple of times. "Wake up, Boss. I'll be at the front desk."

She exits, and as the door shuts behind her, Jensen sinks into a chair.

Jared has a new job? Jared might be... _leaving?_

He sits there until Rich comes in looking for him.

"Hey boss, got a kerfuffle at the supermarket on Elm. You wanna come with?"

Jensen shakes the fog out of his head. Job. Yeah. Sheriff.

"Sure, I'm in. Right behind you."

Rich departs, and Jensen puts down his now-cold coffee and grabs his jacket, heading out the door after his deputy.

_Jared's leaving?_

Jensen stands outside the Residence Home, trying to get the nerve to go in. Alex has returned there; his stint in Detention is over, and Jensen knows he needs to talk to him. He needs to let Alex know that Jensen doesn't blame him for the shooting; that Jensen can still be there for him, if Alex forgives _him_ for dropping the ball. It's clear how Alex has been ignored or abandoned all of his life, and what happened at the festival was simply the match to a ticking bomb. Jensen really does want to help turn things around for Alex, if he allows Jensen a second chance. If anything, the desperation and anger released by Alex at the festival makes it clear that someone needs to be there for him. Jensen is ready to try and be that someone.

He tries to deflect the thought that if he's busy with Alex, Jensen won't have to wonder about his relationship with Jared. They haven't really seen each other for a few days, and while they both really have been busy, Jensen is getting the distinct vibe that Jared is dodging him. That, along with Alona's news about him possibly moving to North Carolina (which Jared himself hasn't mentioned to Jensen yet), makes Jensen wonder if he's mishandled everything all along. He was supposed to be "Fun Date Guy" but somewhere along the way, he actually fell in love with Jared.

Jensen doesn't _do_ love.

 _How ironic,_ , he thinks wryly. He's played the field all these years, and now he is, as they say, hoisted by his own petard. _What is a petard anyway?_ he wondered.

"Jensen?" Kim calls to him, breaking him out of his reverie. "So good to see you. I'm so glad you've come to see Alex."

"How is he?" Jensen asks with some trepidation. "I'm not sure what to do, but I felt this needed to be addressed. He's served his sentence for what happened, and I don't want him to feel any more guilt."

She sighs. "I think the anger has siphoned off. The explosion was cathartic, at least, and certainly he didn't enjoy his time in detention. He's just...quiet. Sad and quiet. I'm not sure what to do to help him out of it."

Jensen nods. "Okay. Well, I'll do my best."

"All anyone can do," she says, smiling at him.

They enter the Home, and Jensen again finds himself in one of the little, cozy conversation rooms. Alex isn't there yet, so Jensen sits and looks out the window, watching cars and people go about their business. _So weird that they all have their stories, and here we are with ours,_ he muses. _We so rarely take the time to appreciate that._

Alex comes in and flops down on the couch, not meeting Jensen's eyes as Jensen greets him. There's silence between them for a moment, but Jensen thinks he'd better just dive right in.

"I want to apologize, first off," he starts. "I completely dropped the ball with you at the festival. I was with my boyfriend, and I got all caught up in him. I'm not saying that as an excuse, because I was still wrong, so...I'm sorry. You should have been my first priority, Alex. I had promised to help you, and I'm so sorry I didn't come through." He runs a hand through his hair. "If you would still consider giving me a second chance, I'd like to take another shot at being a mentor for you."

"That supposed to be funny?" says Alex. "Because it's not."

Jensen is bemused. "What?" He replays his statement in his head, and smacks his forehead when it hits him. "No, not funny. I just speak in colloquialisms when I'm nervous, like now. I truly did not mean to be tactless."

"Whatever." Alex shrugs. "I've heard worse."

Jensen leans forward, elbows on his knees. "Anything you want to share?"

Alex shakes his head. The hardness in his face fades, and suddenly he looks younger than his sixteen years. "Just...get tired of it, you know? The bitching, the getting ragged on. Like the boys at the fall thing--they were hassling me because my clothes were crappy, and then I accidentally sloshed some water on one of them. I apologized, but they just wouldn't let up. My whole life's been like that; kids hassling me, bullying me, giving me a hard time just because I'm in the wrong clothes, I'm alone, I won't join in their stupid reindeer games, and I just--I just--"

"You fought back. Anyone would have, Alex. No one would ever expect you to take it endlessly." Jensen leans back in his chair. "Just now, you have some recourse. You have us. Let us help you take some of that on."

Alex sits quietly. Jensen can just about see the gears turning. Trust, or not to trust? Take the proffered hand, or bite it? He doesn't want to push. This is Alex's decision all the way.

Alex finally looks up at him. Guileless blue eyes meet Jensen's for the first time since he's met the boy.

"It's hard--"

"I know. Just give us a chance."

He gives Alex a few more moments to absorb that. 

"I can't promise we won't fuck up sometimes. But so will you. We're all just people, and people fuck up. I can promise we'll still be there, regardless of the fuck ups. That we won't give up on you. Not Loretta, not Kim. Not me."

Tears spill over from those hurt blue eyes, trailing down those boyish cheeks. "I'm so tired of fighting. I'm tired of being alone and having no one at my back. I just wanted to give up that night--if that was how the rest of my life was gonna be, I thought, why bother? Just get it over with." Alex wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand. "Saw a therapist every day in detention, and he kept talking about how life could be more. I got really pissed at him at first, but he never got angry. Just kept saying there was more out there, and I deserved a chance to find it."

"He was right." Jensen stands up and extends his hand. "I'd like to help you with that. Will you let me?"

Alex looks at the hand, then up at Jensen. He stands up and takes Jensen's hand.

"Yeah, I will."

Jared waits at the Dust Devil, picking at the jalapeno poppers he'd ordered with his beer. He's made a decision, and he needs to talk to Jensen. They'd agreed on dinner, since they'd had little time together recently, which Jared feels guilty over. He knows he's been avoiding Jensen while debating what to do about the job offer from Raleigh-Durham. Jensen sounded okay over the phone about dinner, and he was quite excited about how his meeting with Alex went earlier. Jared is excited for him, but really nervous about breaking the news to him.

He's going to North Carolina and he's got to break it to Jensen.

Taking another sip of beer, Jared realizes that he's almost finished his first bottle, and Jensen isn't even there yet. He orders a water, because he doesn't want to be tipsy before having this conversation. Will he be able to convey this properly to Jensen? That it isn't him, it's Jared's career?

Can he hide how he's scared of the whole situation?

He gets a shot along with his water. Dutch courage and all.

The liquor is hot and warms his belly. He finally relaxes a bit. Ever since he decided, he's been tense, muscles taut, head aching. Another major move, second one in less than a year. Yeah, that explains it.

Why does it feel like this is so difficult? They aren't really even committed to each other. Sure, they've been intimate. They mesh well. But--

The only reason Jared knows about Jensen's feelings is because Jensen was high as a kite that night. Jensen has never said 'I love you' to Jared since then, not even a hint of it. And that-- _that_ is the crux of Jared's fear. He can't put himself out there like that again. Not after Tom.

Does Jensen really love him? If he does, wouldn't he have said it by now?

Jared had promised himself when he left Ohio that he was never going to give someone that power over him again; the power to eviscerate his heart, to take Jared and break him into a thousand little pieces. Jared didn't mean to fall so deeply for Jensen, but somehow his green eyes and that ready smile seduced him into--no, he's not going to say love either. He's not going into that vulnerable place where he's all soft and offering himself up on a fucking silver platter.

Not without some reassurance that it's reciprocated.

And really, this _is_ the career move to make, while he's young and adaptable. Attending physician in a big metropolitan hospital, under amazing, top-level doctors.

The bell at the bar's entrance rings, and Jared looks up to see Jensen, tall and beautiful, smile as he moves toward Jared.

_This is going to suck so bad._

Jensen sits in his car in the parking lot at the police station. He's done with work, but he can't find the wherewithal to go home. He isn't hungry, doesn't want to go out for a drink. He's just...blank. Empty.

It's been three weeks since Jared left for Raleigh-Durham. Three weeks since Jensen had his heart ripped out in a way he thought would never happen to him. 

He was the Fun Guy, right? One Night Stand Guy. No Strings Attached Guy.

But somewhere along the way, he lost that directive. He fell in love.

With Doctor Jared Padalecki; freakishly tall, crazy smart, devilishly handsome.

God, Jensen doesn't want to rehash it. He's tired of rehashing it. Except he does rehash it every fucking morning, as he gets up and gets ready for work. Every night, as he lays in bed and wonders why he is lying there alone. He always gets the same answer--it's because Jared left and is now in North Carolina, working on his dream of being a great doctor.

And he _should_ be there. He's going to finish his residency and go right into his job as an attending. Jensen wants him to be a great doctor. He does. Just...

Couldn't he be a great doctor here? In Lamesa? With Jensen?

Jensen can't restrain a sardonic laugh. It's just so beautifully ironic, so ripely justified. Jensen, the master of free play, and here he is, flayed, because he fucking fell in love, and now his love is gone.

Jared is gone. 

Jensen is lost, and he can't share his pain.


	5. Chapter 5

Jared wanders the halls of Raleigh-Durham Hospital. He's been here for four months, long enough to see the brief Carolina spring already start sliding into humid summer. It's a steamier heat than the dry Texas summer; there's a constant moist feeling to the air, dewy enough that he keeps a towel in his car all the time to wipe his face. Air conditioning is a must, and no building in the sprawling Raleigh-Durham Hospital is without it.

What is he doing here? Oh yes, he is learning. He is practicing medicine. This was a door opening for him that he could not refuse. To be offered an attending position here was a great compliment, and for the sake of his career, he couldn't turn it down.

So he didn't. Jared left Lamesa and followed his medical muse here, to a supposedly greater opportunity. It's true too, he has already learned so much. He truly can't deny that. This is a fantastic learning experience.

But back in Lamesa...is Jensen. 

Left behind is...Jensen.

And where Jared's heart beats...is Jensen. Only he's not here.

Apparently it takes the absence of Jensen to make Jared fully aware of this fact; the fact that Jensen has really become essential to Jared. Every week that Jared is here demonstrates that to him. Jared is working, learning, and sure, he's made friends. That's just how Jared is built. But inside, his heart is wondering where Jensen is and why is he not here and why is Jared here and and and...

_This is ridiculous. Man up, Padalecki. This is your future. It's not about green eyes and freckles and sweet smiles. It's you being more, being better, being--_

Alone.

He's alone. In the midst of a great city, a huge hospital, Jared is alone. With people all around him, Jared is alone. In a shift filled with fellow doctors and friends, Jared is alone. Out for drinks. Playing basketball in a medical league. Being asked on dates. In a club. In someone's bed, trying to have sex just to feel warm and alive, Jared is alone.

And it's killing him.

_I can't do this. I can't--_

"Padalecki! Trauma 2!"

"Padalecki! Bay 3!"

"Padalecki! Seminar at 3, Room 4."

"Padalecki! OR in 5!"

"Padalecki! Room--"

_No. I can't. I need--_

"Padalecki! Where are you going?"

"Padalecki! Get back here! Pada--"

Jared takes off his scrub gown, throws it on the floor. He doesn't even care about his locker. He'll send for that stuff later. Right now--

He needs to get back to Lamesa. He can't do this anymore.

He needs Jensen.

Jensen heads out to the highway. Another vehicular accident. Goddammit, when will they put a fucking light up there? He'd be happy with just a blinking one, something to warn the asshole drivers zooming here and there.

Whatever.

He starts to head out there when Alona stops him. "The accident victims are at the hospital. You should go there first."

"What are you talking about?" he asks, staring at her. She smiles.

"Go to the hospital, Jensen. Everything you need to know is there."

Whatever. Bri will do the onsite stuff, like always. He can check with her later.

He heads to Lamesa General.

"Hey, Katie, I heard there are some accident--"

Yeah," Katie says with a stupid smile. What's she so happy about? It makes Jensen cranky. Well, crankier. "Trauma bay 2. The doctor is waiting to consult with you."

Whatever.

Jensen strides into trauma 2, pushing past the curtain. 

"What--"

Jared.

It's Jared. 

Jared is pulling him into a huge hug, freakishly large arms wrapping around him, stupid smile on his beautiful face.

"Jensen!"

Jensen doesn't know what to think. "You left. Why are you--"

His face is smushed against Jared's neck. God, it smells so good. Jensen relaxes, lets himself just sniff.

Jared pulls back enough to see Jensen's face.

"I'm sorry. I left, but I was stupid. I thought--it doesn't even matter what I thought, because I was wrong. So I came back, back here to Lamesa, and I hope--Jensen, remember when you told Alex there was another chance? Please, will you give me another chance? Because I love you, and I know you said you love me, although it was under the influence of drugs, but still--do you still love me? I love you so much, and I was scared to say. But then I went away and I--"

"Shut. Up," Jensen says succinctly, and he proceeds to kiss the heck out of Jared until all the nurses and aides are laughing and clapping, and Jared is laughing and crying at the same time, and Jensen--he doesn't even know what he's doing, but he's happier than he'd ever been before.

Ever.


End file.
